Forum Replies Created
July 19, 2013 at 7:32 am #38888
I don’t think we can tell her what to do John, point blank like that. She has the make the decision. Because her heart already knows what she wants. I am reading what you really want between your lines. You are feeling guilty and have fear to say no to your partner is that it?
So I learned something from Marianne Williamson; Every decision you make has to come from love and not fear. Other wise the outcome will be bad. So think about it; are you going out of fear or love? Do you want to stay out of fear or love? Which one is based on fear and which one is for love. If you really want to be with your daughter but you have the fear of upsetting your new partner then you are making the decision out of fear. Or, if you really want to be with your partner, but have the fear of hurting your daughter or be a “bad mother” in the eyes of others, you are again making decision out of fear. So, no one can tell you which one is correct, your heart does. And no one can judge you for making a decision. So make it out of love and it will be the right one for you 🙂
Hope this helps
July 19, 2013 at 7:24 am #38886
- This reply was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by Laleh.
Just to clarify “when we know better, we do better” is Maya Angelo’s quote 🙂 I’m just saying.
I do agree with some things John said, but I do believe that you are more hurting in not telling him. The fear of him finding it out is holding you back from moving on, so the best way would be to rip off the band aid. You have to tell him one day anyways, or he will find out, so better do it yourself with some grace and dignity and buy yourself the rest of your peaceful days. Think about the worst that it could happen and see if it is better than what you are feeling right now. You will tell him how you feel about it, and apologize for what you did and ask him to forgive you. And the decision for him to forgive you or stop contacting you or etc. it is his decision and you have no control or responsibility for it. So after this, you do not feel guilty of the outcome because the his reaction to it, it is not your fault, at any moment a person has the power to react in a certain way. So by doing this you have freed yourself from the fear, and once you do that you can start forgiving yourself. That happened in the past, and if you two need to go through something you will, it is just your decision to accept it and go through it easier on your own terms or universe will do it for you later on in a harder way.
So take control and do it. The minute you know better you can start forgiving yourself, so you are already there.
If a person meant to be in your life, brother, mother, or anyone they will be no matter what, and if the relationship needs to devolve before it gets better it will.
Try to feel more powerful and take charge of your fear.
Hope this helps
http://www.danubelle.comJuly 13, 2013 at 8:24 pm #38551
That is amazing, yes I do agree with you. It’s funny my new york guy was part jewish as well, and lately all I see is jewish people around me. Your question about apartment made me scared a bit in my stomach a bit to be honest. Well all I am doing is applying for jobs, and have to step it up next week and try harder to find something fast. I don’t know why usually I panic but this time i just feel like things come together on time, and they usually do to be honest, I was just remembering every time I panicked, at the end things came together. My Birthday is the 19th actually. Yes I agree and I am not questioning the signs, I just didn’t know what to do about them, because seems like I can’t do much more but I realized i just have to be present for them and when the time is right I will know what to do I guess. I will get directed to it I believe.
DanubelleJuly 13, 2013 at 7:54 am #38536
I just wanted to let you know; I was watching Serendipity the movie this morning and I think I got what both of you were saying. The signs were everywhere for both of them, but they didn’t push it, they just watched and let it happen, and they were ok already with their lives. They just looked at it, and the minute the guy starts to push it, it goes away, he stops pushing and she just comes to her. You I guess just have to see the signs and make yourself available to receive it. I was looking to see if I can find a therapist yesterday to talk to about all this, and I saw a program to become a psychotherapy program, and it just came to me this is what I always wanted to do, not sure if this came to me for a reason, but now I am pondering if I should do it, but if I do, it’s about 3 years of not going to NYC, I might be able to do part of online as well. But I am going to go to info session, now I looked inside for that, now I need the universe and fate guid me to it. So when I was watching Serendipity this morning for the first time I saw that the lady is a therapist, sign? Not sure, but I am just being in the now and observing. If you had time give me your thoughts 🙂
DanubelleJuly 12, 2013 at 4:42 pm #38518
Thank you so much for explaining,
I think I am starting to understand your point, your story made me cry to be honest… I know that there is something here I have to see that I can’t see, or maybe i just have to wait, I am not sure, but as you said, I do feel like I have to do something here which I don’t know what it is yet, and trying too hard is making me go blind as you said. I think maybe I am starting to get mentally depressed because of it and this is dangerous territory. because my natural self usually is a go getter, I can not sit and watch, I am a doer, I go after what i want as I have done before, and no matter what happens I try to get it. I am a hard headed capricorn that if I need to learn something to be able to get something, I read every single book in that direction, if I need to master something, I take a class, etc. So this is the first time in my life I just feel like I really can’t, something is holding me back from being a go getter like I was before, not sure if I have lost my trust in myself, or I just feel it’s the right thing to do, I didn’t even message the guy back(as I explain he disappears) to say where are you, I said he will message if he wants to, I just feel like a different person, not sure if it is in a good way or bad. I have been working on myself, reading and writing for couple of months now after that incident, and maybe I have been focusing too much in finding out what to do and NYC, you might be right,you know the feeling that you just feel like; it feels so right for me to just sit here and read and write, I really don’t want to do anything else. I feel like I am clear now that this is what I am suppose to do, and that incident made me and forced me to have all this time to be able to work on my website and start writing again. So everything else just feels totally wrong, now as you say I might be blinded, or just emotionally tired, because I went through a big trauma, and I feel like I am at the end of my trying game, it is time for thigns to fall into place, because I have no more energy left to start from bottom again.
So, you know that feeling of being numb? this is how I feel after this couple of months. Maybe all this thinking and pondering and being by myself not wanting to be around people until I be able to figure things out made me this way, but I feel like I am ok with this, I mean I only need money now to get bills and rent and living situation sorted, other than that, I am ok. I feel like it suppose to be this way, I would love to be in NYC, but right now I am ok it feels right to be at home and work on my website. To be honest other than the outside world problems I had, this past couple of months have been nice for me , working on my website and reading books I want and finding what i want to do.
If only I knew what to do about money, and you are right, I know I will end up in NYC when the time is right, I am not sure if the time is now, it might be, but I just know what I want to do and what I am suppose to do specially in NYC. When I was praying the other day in the shower and crying and asking GOD how do I get paid, because this is all I know and I don’t know what to do about money, and please tell me what to do, all of a sudden I heard something , it was so weird, I heard it so clearly, someone said; give what you can give, and I will take care of you. I think I lose faith very easily and i have to remind myself that I have faith.
Thanks JAC, and matt
sorry I started rambling now, I have to read your posts all over again maybe I could figure out what to do now, but thank you so much for the insights. JAC you are a very insightful lady, hope we could talk more .
DanubelleJuly 12, 2013 at 12:39 pm #38504
That is a good point and I agree, and i know I have to do something I just feel like I’m pushing, I’ve been applying for jobs every single day for last two months and nothing… So that is why I felt like I have to just wait and see and let it happen, because my attempts seem to just hit the wall..I didn’t understand the last part of your post about limited free will and the blind part, how does that work here?July 12, 2013 at 11:48 am #38498
I do agree with you and really helps me that you understand, I think Matt is speaking in different term and on different level than me and you are, not all of what he is saying seems to apply here. He is going in general and deep that might be suitable for another kind of situation. You are more in touch with what I am saying and with reality that i am having. But I still do agree in some thing he is saying in general. And I do agree that spiritual people don’t judge and oporate from ego, I was surprised by that comment from matt but chose to ignore it, because I am here to find out what to do not to argue 🙂
Thanks again guys
DanubelleJuly 12, 2013 at 11:45 am #38497
Thank you Matt,
Now I understand a bit better what you were trying to say. And I agree with you, it does seem like my heart wants something but the circumstances outside seem make it impossible so it makes me feel lost. I see what you’re saying, so it means that it’s not about what universe wants, because what is my real desire IS what the universe wants, so I think you are right, maybe my doubt about NYC or anything for that matter has made things to be blocked. But as far as the signs go; you mentioned the signs are confusing because I am conflicted, but that is not the case; the signs ALL of them are saying NYC. I tried to ignore it at first to be honest. And I agree that I am lost, but the fact that I saw the signs was after I started asking myself and meditated and etc. to get a bit of direction, and after that these signs appeared. I agree that I have to let go, I just don’t know how since I have to find a job right now, and to be honest I really don’t want to!! I really don’t want to do another job that I hate, and I know it’s simple to others, my brother says, well when you have to, you have to. This word has never had a meaning for me. I do’t believe I HAVE to do anything. I want to do what I love to do, and I think it’s time for it.
You’re metaphors are nice, but to be honest it’s confusing. I understand better when you are being more realistic though 🙂
So, if i want to only look at what my heart wants, I want to do what I love to do and I want to live in NYC someday, but right now I REALLy don’t know what to do about it, because seems like I can not do anything about it that’s the problem. I have been trying to let go and do what you’re suggesting, but seems like I really don’t feel like doing anything, I mean I feel like no matter what I do nothing is happening, so I have lost power. I think I am emotionally tired of trying, even though I know what I want, I feel helpless in making it happen because it seems out of my hand, and I am just trying to do what I love to do which is read 247 and write, and wait for some kind of a miracle to make things happen.
DanubelleJuly 12, 2013 at 8:33 am #38484
Thank you so much for the explanation, the thing is, I agreed with you but that is a “Logical” person talking; about working on having money etc. We both know that if something is aligned and meant to happen everything comes together magically, I have had that before, so I don’t believe in that I have to do those things to make something happen, of course right now because nothing is happening, I have no choice but find a job here, but I don’t believe me planning for it has anything to do with it, since when something is meant to happen it usually does without me even trying. ANyways, but I do agree that I have to feel good about moving to NYC, and if i am not ready emotionally (which means having things in order) I wont feel good about it, that is what happened last time, everything got together without me even puahing, but I started to panic and doubt, because I felt like it might be the wrong move and felt like I am dong it for the wrong reasons so eveyrthing fell apart after that. I am done with my education, seems like we understand each others language quite well, you underdtand what I am going through which is great and makes me feel better that someone knows what I am saying. RIght now I feel like after that huge set back, I refuse to just to what I was doing before, doing shitty jobs and waiting for something great, I feel like I am at the point that I am going to start do what I love to do, and I have been knocked around for too long, this incident had a huge impact on me, and I refuse to let it go to waste, that is why I am trying so hard to find out what to do with it. I think I have finally admited to myself what I want to do and what i love to do when I am in nyc, and I already started doing it here online, I don’t want to talk about it much because I don’t want to give it away u know what I mean? but bascally I’ve loved to write all my life and help others with my writing, and despite everything I never had the courage to make it a career, now this came to me when I went through this whole thing.
ANyways, last night I found out I have to find a job or money very fast because my brother is giving up his apartment to go somewhere else and i need to find a place on my own, which I have no money for. But this shows me things are coming, I cried a bit at first but then remembered, these things always showed me something is happening, something good.
The job suggesitons were great thank you I see if I can try those. But I really thank you for beliving in my feeling, I know in my heart I belong in NYC, maybe the time hasn’t come yet, i just have to see what I can do to be ok right now.
Thank you guys so much for caring and helping me out I really appreciate both of your help cause it is opening my eyes a bit more, but I have to say your explanation got me more confused about what you said about not acting on signs..
If you could just say in my case and practical way so I would understand, so what you are saying is that, when I see signs everywhere about NYC I should just see acknowledge and walk away? Not to think what to do about it? I have read so many times that, that is exactly what i am not suppose to do if i want ot listen to universe. So if you were in my situation, I understand you want to teach me how to do it myself, but this is tricky because what would do, if you have to decide right now, if you should look for a job in NYC or Toronto?
I have been doing both because I didn’t know what to do! ANd know this is not gonna give me results if i am not concentrating and focusing on one thing. So that is why I was asking what to do, because right now I need a job that pays rent and bills and i can handle and not feel like I wanna kill myself every time I go to work, and I don’t want to make another mistake of taking a detiour and I want to do exactly what i am suppose to do. That is why I am trying to listen to universe, I don’t want to waste any more time, I feel like it’s time for me now to listen and have courage to do it. I want to be a writer and help others with my writing (this is my passion and recently I finally got the courage to admit it after everyone kept telling me how good I am to understanding others and I kept ignoring it)
I do agree and understand some parts of your saying that I should just go with the flow and not cling and etc. And it is totally fine to see different point of views, you never know what and who is going come to your rescue. Right now JAC is a bit more clear and I can relate to it more because I just need a bit of direction from someone that understand what I am saying, as you Matt might be correct but it might be a bit to hard for me to understand it and put it in to action, since seems like you have not understood the urgency of my situation. In practical matters I need to know where to go for work, and just passing by the signs are not going to help me. Maybe I didn’t understand it properly.
DanubelleJuly 11, 2013 at 5:32 pm #38464
I am trying to get what you’re saying, but if we just see the signs and just let go, doesn’t that mean we are ignoring what universe is trying to tell us? How should I follow the path I am suppose to go down to if I don’t do anything about the signs? If you could explain a bit more, this is a bit unclear to me the things you said, I think I understood some parts of being present instead of trying to use the present moment, but the rest a bit confusing.. I understood the part of about closing and opening, cause I think that is exactly what i do, as soon as I get a sign or something great happens I cling to it.. but I just need to understand how I use that sign without thinking about it and going towards it
DanubelleJuly 11, 2013 at 1:53 pm #38444
Than you again, you might be correct, but I am wondering why did you say it has been hard for me to get over it? to be honest, I have to mention to you, strangely enough this was the first guy in my life, I was very calm about it, I did not go crazy which I usually did in the past, I didn’t contact him to ask where he is, I was so in control which is not like me usually, when I get obsessed with someone I want to control everything, but this one, I basically let it happen, and when it ended I just was upset, but I didn’t do anything about it, everyone told me this is so not you, and you are acting like a mature confident woman, well of course I was having hard time getting closure because the urge to wanting to KNOW everything.. but strangely enough I wasn’t really madly in love with him, no crazy passion either, we just were so nicely fit together, like having a husband and it’s just easy.. anyawys, I am curios to know what is the relationship between a guy being tightly connected to NYC and not being a soulmate? in general!
And i have to say, as of now it I have basically let go of the need to know and etc. the only thing bugs me sometimes is memory of good times and him just comes and goes and I just stay with it and let it pass.
DanubelleJuly 11, 2013 at 1:44 pm #38442
Thank you so much for your responce, I have to say I have been reading and getting replays for couple of months now, and I really connected with what you said, and I hope I can talk to you more about this. All the questions you asked about NYC and being ready and material things to get me ready for it, the answer is no, that is why right now it seems impossible, other than the signs. That is why I really feel hopeless, I have been applying for jobs, and etc. but I do not have the money or the job offer etc. But I know if something is meant to be, in some weird way things happen, I have had that happen to me in the past, so I don’t know how to relate this to that.. The things you said about the car and the signs I totally relate to, and you also mentioned my guy issue, and yes, I think it was bad timing with us, I really don’t know, but I agree with you, if we are meant to cross paths again at the right time we will, so I am right now, just trying to deal with the memory of good times and just missing him, that’s all. But i have made peace with it. Health wise and stuff I am ok, I am working out, and meditating, and reading and writing 247, and trying to find my path, but basically seems like NOTHING is happening. Sometime things are on standstill and I feel such an urge to find a job since the money is tight. I was quite sure about NYC I mean I still am, but I am starting to thik maybe still it’s not the right timing, I am not sure, because I just feel hopeless in it. I have handed it to universe and basically surendeded my desires to him, because at this point I have no idea what else to do. I do not want to take another wrong step, I just want to do whatever is in alignment with my plan.
I totally agree with you that we don’t understand the reason behind things and the reality of things in present and depends on time. I was praying the other night that please god take the memory of this guy our of my heart because I don’t want to remember and i don’t wanna miss it and be hurt by it anymore, and do something that I would feel better.. The next morning I got a message from a different guy that i had dated years ago, that kinda ended the same way( much shorter and less serious but I was less mature back then and more angry) And the message just all of a sudden showed me how I had made up a story in my head about this guy because I had a certain expectation.. And now seemed silly, he was actually not a bad guy quite nice, and didn’t do anything wrong, I just wanted something different, and this made me feel so much better, as you said, that I will see the reason and the real story about my current guy later on maybe.
I feel like at this point, certain things are clear to me that I want and need and my heart belongs to, but the HOW and the WHAT TO DO is not.. I agree that I have be alert for signals, and i have been actually writing down coincidences and being aware all the time, but stil notthing quite clear, just little things that you are not sure is it really a sign or am I trying to make it a sign, you know what I mean?
Hope I can learn more from you, I really enjoyed your deep analyzing.
http://www.danubelle.comJuly 7, 2013 at 10:22 am #38113
I read myself in your notes, I was there couple of months ago, as you can see my posts here as well, and I have been getting better and better day by day. I managed to pass that hard time without once contacting the guy I was dating and he disappeared on me with no explanation.
So, things that others said here, seem a lot like what I wanted to say so I wont repeat them, but one thing i would like to mention about you getting your power back is;
You want your power back by him thinking that you are powerful, but the real power comes from yourself. Look at it this way, if he is not with you, and he doesn’t want to be with you, then his opinion doesn’t matter really does it? And you are blaming yourself for lot of things in this, but the fact is, the decision he has made, it has nothing to do with you, if someone decides to react or behave in a certain way it is all on them, and you can not control other people’s reactions. At every moment you can decide if you want that person to control your life or no. The reality is that he is still controlling your life as long as you care about what he thins of you. Guys have like this switch thing; one day they decide it is not working, and they are checked out, it might not even be another girl involved. He is a guy, he has just made his decision, for whatever reason, I think of rejection now as redirection, overtime something end, universe is trying to direct you to the right direction.
I had that morning urge as well, in face I wrote something about it on my website, because that morning urge had led me do lot of stupid things in the past, and this time I was determined not to be effected by it, so I realized it is not real. That morning urge, is because your ego is rested and woken up fresh, so all you have to do is to think, this urge is not real, give yourself couple of hours until 11 am maybe and the feeling probably will pass. Make it a rule not to send anything or do anything until 11 am. It helps a lot, it worked for me anyways.
http://www.danubelle.comJune 28, 2013 at 5:03 pm #37583
thank you for your message. However I really wish that everyone would read my last message before they replay. My ego would agree with you yes, I dont want to repeat the same thing, but I will just say it in a short way that, I did believe I had the right, but I didn’t think it would help me in anyway to do it. And I felt at peace with it. I just needed some closure without contacting. I am in a much better place now and thanks everyone for the help. I think I already know the reason, so there is no point, I just am trying to move on. And yes people should not just walk out, but I believe if he needs to learn something he will, I don’t need to poison my world more than I have so far. The universe will take care of it 🙂
Guys please if you have positive message in you and have positive energy in your words I will welcome it, but otherwise anger and grudge and hatred better to stay away from us don’t you think ? 🙂
Thanks again dear for the support
DanubelleJune 27, 2013 at 2:07 pm #37523
I just read your last message about being on a break with him. This is another chance universe is giving you to go to the next level of strength. Use it. Treat him as an addiction, because you are addicted. So try to quit. I do believe as soon as you break him off of your daily routine, you get ot the next level of cut him off. 21 days usually takes to get use to a new schedule. SO without expecting too much of yourself, give yourself 21 days that you are not allowed to talk to him, or check up on him, or think about him more than an hour a day. When your hour is up, try to find something that gives you pleasure, just by yourself, you don’t need to be around people. Just what activities you use to do that gave you joy before? Maybe before you met him. Start from here, and stop talking about him altogether with your friends or anyone. Write something down and leave it at that and throw it in the garbage. See this as your new beginning, you might feel excited. What I did was, I have banned myself from dating until I absolutely love myself and my life. The I can let a guy to be cherry on top of it.
Let me know how you’re doing. 🙂