Wissam,

I can understand how disorienting it must be to have all of those signs around you, like why would your teacher call you lazy, why would your friend remove you from facebook? I’m sure there are many more that you’ve not mentioned. Have hope, there is always a path to joy. A few things came to heart as I read and reflected on your words.

It seems like a fertile time to confront your fear and develop courage. For instance, your teacher calls you lazy, and you become afraid of what that means. Your fear turns the words inwards and makes it about you. “Am I lazy? Is she right in calling me that? Do I deserve that? Why does she look at me so much?”

Consider that all of us feel fear, and it is absolutely necessary for us to develop courage. Courage is not being able to do scary things fearlessly, but the energy inside us that acknowledges the fear, and does the action anyway. Perhaps you could walk up to the teacher and courageously confront her on the name calling. “Why do you call me lazy, I do well and pay attention. When you call me lazy, I don’t like it and my feelings are hurt. Please stop.” Or the urdu equivalent. 🙂

The same is true of the other relationships. If you ask out the girl and she says no, you have the information it takes to move on. Women are often particular in their taste, and just because one likes you as a friend and not romatically does not mean you are unattractive to all girls. That is just the fear. Consider asking out another, and seeing where it goes. Remember courage is the energy that let’s us try and fail, try and fail until we try and succeed.

It sounds like when you feel fear of the unknown, your mind runs and runs. Its very creative! Perhaps some meditation would help with that. YouTube has some great videos on that, my favorite is a series be Ajahn Jayasaro. The fifth video in the series is a counting breath meditation that is simple and effective.

With warmth,
Matt