Hello Alana, its sad to hear your story. myself i have seen or myself i have had to go through some similar issues, so i hope this helps you.
1. i am very proud of you to open up and admit your problems that’s a very strong powerful thing to do, so well done you.
Now not everyone is a fan of going to see someone to talk too, have you tired it? don’t knock it till you do try it because you never know, ive had 4 myself for different things and some of the people i spoke to were fantastic and others not so.

Drugs and drink don’t help, they bring you down, and you need to see them as a bully, they are control and they don’t care about you.

Now down to business.

i personally love to write a good ‘to do list’
have you ever thought of doing one? clear your mind and write down everything you would love to do,
yoga? swimming? dancing?
i personally have used mediation and it has helped greatly with a dark past.
Your past doesn’t define who you are. you must find a way to let go of your past, i myself have spent a long time trying to let go of my past problems.
and i guess the best things that helped were friends, having people to trust and having mediation.

you will feel tired it is not an easy road but if you keep trying and you keep going it will get easier i promise.
the key is to remember your reasons why you want change. and thats your children and YOURSELF.
learn to love yourself, learn to look at yourself and think of all the wonderful things about you.
Eat good food, see good friends, see someone for help if it helps you and learn your past is the past and all that matters is now.
you can eat good food that tastes good and its cheap,

life is hard life can be a real bitch sometimes, but Alana its so very beautiful too.
i hope this helps, and i hope you write back i am here if you need someone, and i can try and help with any advice or just listening
i can go into better detail of things if it helps you in anyway
so dont feel like you cant write back to me because i am here

em