hi lilacwine,
I believe those who are closest to us (i.e. family) are the hardest to ignore and deal with.

With that said, I found two great processes in communicating and to deal with our perceptions.

Marshall Rosenberg’s Non Violent Communication 4 step process is terrific in letting people know the impact of their words without blame, anger or shame.
http://www.nonviolentcommunication.com/aboutnvc/4partprocess.htm

Byron Katie’s The Work is another great way of dealing with our pain with her 4 questions.
http://www.thework.com/thework-4questions.php

Start with that. I believe that we either come from fear or love. We judge people by the impact of the words and we judge ourselves by our intent. I have to assume that most people have good intentionsand/or from their pain/fear/anger when they come across as hurtful or judgmental. It helps me to sluff off such judgments.

Let me know how this works for you (assuming you decide to pursue practicing either method).

Mark