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I echo Jeff’s sentiment. The very first thing that came to mind was: “recommend The Four Agreements.” That book changed my life.
I too have been on a spiritual journey, virtually all of my life. The first 20 years were filled with high volumes of trauma, somewhere in the middle there was a break for happiness and then more trauma. The point in sharing that is to say that you are not alone. Recovery CAN and DOES happen. When you said: “I don’t have the coping mechanisms and the emotional balance yet” – to me, that statement points to exactly where to center the practice, shift your focus, bring your energy..
Making the choice to step on the path IS the hardest part. Practice requires that you be patient with yourself – Loving to your self. Think about what you need in the difficult moments.. a warm blanket? fresh air? silence? social encounters? Gift your self what you need when you need it – you are already on your way. Stay the course ahead – you will never regret it.