Star,

You sound like a great woman, to have planned such a wonderful birthday experience for your loved one! I can understand why you might think “I deserve better” and you’re right… but not “better than her” rather “better than this feeling of abandonment”.

For some odd reason, you’re the “other woman”. Is there something unsaid that is holding your gf in the relationship with the other? Are they married or have children or something? Is there a material attachment like living in the home? It sounds like there is something there either unsaid by you or by her that is holding her back.

From your side, is she worth it? She sounds like she is split, and it is important for her to heal that. Remember that it is her split though, not yours. Your side is “do I love her enough to be patient while she grows/heals/decides”. That is between you and your heart! Said differently, if we don’t make their growth about us, we have the ability to patiently wait for them to join us where we are. If we want to wait, that is. Unfortunately, it can be lonely while they figure out their junk.

I really like your own advice to love yourself. Perhaps try to get into one of your hobbies? Take a bath? Have a good cry? Whatever you do to self-nurture is a great plan. Leave the sorting out what to do next for later… painful emotions can really shift our intentions, make us lash, make us selfish and so on.

With warmth,
Matt