E,

I really like your question “is it part of our nature”! The answer is both yes and no.

The first step in understanding the reason its yes and no is to realize that there is a real gravity to our addictions. Said differently, in your mind, the ideas around “boyfriend” and “romantic fulfillment” and “what happened” actually suck you into them. There are components to the gravity, but seeing it is necessary. Being free requires effort, and flying is about breaking gravity. We have to realize that our brain runs away, and even convinces us we’re doing good work in following the gravity. Here we see the answer yes, it is part of our nature. Our life is rich with suffering, which is the first noble truth Buddha taught.

However, he also discovered that the gravity is impermanent, that it is only ignorance which sustains the habit. When we begin to relate to and feel the gravity directly, we can begin to let it go. John gave those keys already, in rightly suggesting you sit and feel the energy in your body right now. And right now. And right now. The gravity erodes as we stop thinking “it is unavoidable” and recognize that “it is subject to ceasing”. Said differently, if you stop believing that the man is the cause of the gravity, and recognize that your habit IS the gravity, it becomes a simple (but difficult) matter of moving your mind away from the object of your obsession and back into your body. Not “boyfriend->breakup->what did I do->how could he->etc etc”. Instead, “boyfriend->breakup->wait, here is the cycle->what was the teaching?->oh yes, breathe and feel the energy in the body”. Then the mind detaches from the cycle and erodes the gravity.

With practice, the habit erodes. So here the answer is no, suffering is not part of our nature inherently. It is just sustained through our ignorance of the cycle. This is part of our nature. Buddha said that we have a fundamental ignorance, that we are born without the skill to use our mind instead of being used by it. The seed of knowing is also part of our nature. Namaste is “the Buddha in this body bows to the Buddha in that body”. Said differently, “because we know all have the ability to awaken, my awake parts call to your awake parts and together, we grow”.

Namaste, E!

With warmth,
Matt