Hey Pip, Just like Tengui, I created an account on here just to respond to you. I am a male in my mid 20s. I am literally going through the same situation as you except she is the one invoking those feelings inside of me.

We started off wonderfully. She was great, we were great. We were together for over a year, I got a great job across the state, proposed, then we moved. Life was good. We went out, enjoyed each other, had a blast in the new city. Life was moving. Then, she just started with the same stuff you are talking about. She wasn’t happy with her job/career path. This obviously impacted her mood and caused doubts in herself. I have been extremely supportive, loving, caring, ..everything. Hey self discontent has caused her to push me away, introduced distrust and dishonestly from her part, and generally caused her to doubt herself and us. I started changing from a confident, charismatic, and happy person to someone with anxiety, trust issues, doubting myself, fearing the next time I get a panic attack or anxiety attack, and trying to give more of myself in hopes that things would get better.

I am currently at this exact point in my relationship. Previously when things like this have happened or it has gotten to this stage, it would have caused me anxiety, and caused me to do anything in the world to keep her. Recently I just realized that the person I was has changed for the worse. I am not happy with that. I am not being cocky, but I think I am a great looking guy. I keep myself in shape, I have a great career, I am a really nice guy, and I have no problems talking to anyone and everyone. Then I just noticed, I had no confidence with women anymore. I actually got nervous talking to them. It has been 100% linked to the way I have been treated and the way I have allowed myself to feel. I am not going to blame these feelings on her. Sure, she was the root cause, however, I allowed her actions (or lack there of) to make me feel the way I was feeling.

I noticed I was no longer a happy person and I could not put my finger on it. I would wake up and go to work to do a job I really enjoy and have enjoyed in the past, but then think to myself “I have everything I need and want, why can’t I be happy with that?” I started to think that maybe I was a depressed person and not capable of being happy like everyone else. Then everything just came to a breaking point. I started thinking about me, myself, and who I am. Not who I want to be, or who I want to be with, or what I enjoy doing. I starting asking myself, honestly, who am I? I realized that I have not been asking myself this question often enough. I was putting emotions and feelings that made me uncomfortable away, deep inside of me. I was thinking that my relationship was great, when it really wasn’t.

Once I set out to sit down, and listen to my inner emotions and actually address them and feel them, did I really start to feel happier. This site actually got me to start writing down my feelings in my moleskine everyday. It’s just therapeutic to just write about your feelings, analyze them, and without structure or thought. Then when I went back and reread what I just wrote, it was as if discussing my problems with someone who knows EXACTLY what I am going through. I was able to break down the barrier of what was bothering me and who I really was by just facing my emotions. I found out that the confident person I was is still there, I just allowed myself to slowly forget about my true self in order to try to project some fake happiness. I realized that I can only truly be happy when I am myself.

Previously when I would have these issues with my fiancee, it would 100% guarantee an anxiety filled day or week following. I would let my negative emotions snowball causing irrational thoughts and trying to envision every scenario and it’s outcome. I am very proud of myself to say that last week has been the most positive and happiest week I have had in a very long time. I know that in the end, no matter what, I WILL be alright. I WILL be happy someday. I WILL be valued by the person I am in a relationship. I WILL be loved, I WILL have someone who is loyal and deserves the amount of love that I give them. If that isn’t in this relationship, then it will be in another. I am a stronger person now. This situation has made me stronger and better equipped in the future to deal with painful and difficult emotions and situations.

Please take some time to yourself and truly examine those painful and repressed emotions. Write if you need to, but don’t short change yourself. At first it will be difficult, you will cry, feel depressed, angry, made, …everything. Then when you start to see that these emotions and feelings aren’t as scary or upsetting as you initially thought, especially after you have faced them, you will notice that you are finding yourself and your center again.

Please smile. I promise things will workout. One way or the other they always do. In the end you WILL be happy. Whatever the end is. My favorite quote in times like these: “This too shall pass”