I have a very difficult mother myself. I’m a constant victim of the “you’re never good enough” verbal and mental shots. It can be really hard because after a while, you start to believe it.

It took me many years (and a really good therapist) to finally face my feelings about all of it. I finally learned that my mother is who she is. I am never going to change her and the only person that was being hurt when she’d do the ‘not good enough” talk was me because I took her word for it. I’ve gotten myself to a point where I will only speak to her during holidays if its a group situation. If she starts hammering me (and she still does) I simply walk away because I now control what I do, not her. It’s not always easy and I feel guilty because she’s my mother and I’m “supposed” to love her. But that doesn’t mean that I need to accept her negative rantings. I control what I can- and if that means walking away, then so be it.

I’ve also read the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz and one of the things he talks about is how we take things personally when what the other person is saying is really just a distorted view of their own personal reality. The abuse is not who you are. Those things are not your reality. Then why do we let those voices dictate our life? I think he makes a great point.

Anyway, those are my thoughts.