Hi Jana

I read somewhere that 70% of people have experienced severe abuse as a child. I had not realised it was that high before.

That is awful. I really don’t get why anyone would let that happen.

Thank you for your kind words! I will do everything in my power to protect him and give him the life he deserves. He is such a sweet and special little guy.

It has helped me a lot too. To realise how badly my mother messed up. I have struggled, especially when he was younger during the round the clock care phase. Yes, being a parent can be hard, sometimes it does suck. But it doesn’t change how I feel about him. Or weaken my resolve to show up in the best way for him no matter how I am feeling.

To realise that I deserved the level of care that I give my own son. What is the difference between he and I at that age? And realising that I still deserve that now. I can be a good parent to myself.

I started doing the Emotional Freedom Technique you taught me. ❤️

Love, peace and best wishes! ❤️🙏

Hi Jana

I disagree that you or any of us here are broken. You have already picked up the pieces and made some beautiful kintsugi (please look this up if you don’t recognise the word). Once broken, now whole again. Yes, there are things to work on. We all have things to work on. To not have things to work on we would be enlightened.

You are perfect as you are! We all are!

I have struggled with accepting myself as I am for my whole life, always looking to change something then I will accept myself. But true acceptance is to accept yourself with flaws and all. Like recognising the beauty of kintsugi.

A baby is not a saint. A baby bites and screams to get their way. You love it anyway and calmly, gently redirect the behaviour. I think we all deserve the same grace.

If you could recommend some phrases to use for EFT that would be very helpful. I don’t know many. ❤️

Love, peace and best wishes! ❤️🙏

Dear Jana:

I hope that you are sleeping restfully as I type this post during this first snow day this winter, here.

“I remember the first moment when I was physically attacked… I remember that it was a shock for me. I just wanted to play. I didn’t mean any harm… I remember that it was a moment of ‘This can happen to me?’ … as if I didn’t realize that something like this could happen to me, that something like this existed. It was very new for me and very shocking at the same time”-

– It’s clear that the physical attack you experienced as a child was a pivotal moment that shaped your perception of safety and trust. The shock and confusion you felt are completely understandable, especially given your young age and the unexpected nature of the violence. I remember this kind of shock personally, the end of innocence (believing in good), the shattering of trust in people.

The ongoing bullying and lack of support from your family and school only compounded your trauma, as it did in my case. It’s incredibly painful to feel isolated and misunderstood, especially when you needed empathy and understanding the most.

Your description of the chronic anxiety you felt each day before school is a powerful reminder of the long-term effects of trauma. It’s deeply concerning that no one recognized or addressed your distress, leaving you to navigate these overwhelming emotions on your own.

I want to acknowledge your strength in sharing your story and in surviving these experiences. It’s important to recognize that your feelings and reactions are valid, and you deserved so much more support and understanding than you received.

“my sister… didn’t want to have anything common with me, because I was the weird one and she felt ashamed of me in front of other girls”-

– this aligns with what I shared with you less than an hour ago, before reading your recent posts: “seeing myself no longer as a freak-of-nature”= my words, “the weird one”= your words. Truly- we were neither weird nor freaks.

“No one… really… absolutely no one cared about my feelings when I was a little girl, let alone when I was older… I remember the nights full of terror in my head. I was depressed in the evening when I went to bed and knew that I had to go to school in the morning… in the morning I was so anxious that I felt sick… still I had to go there without a word of understanding or support… more than 9 years”-

– I could have written much of what you expressed here. I was always amazed how people didn’t see my tics as a sign of trouble.

Children experiencing such intense anxiety and physical symptoms, such as you and me, deserve empathy, support, and intervention from caregivers, teachers, and school counselors. It’s important to investigate and address the underlying causes, whether they are related to bullying, academic pressure, or other factors. The lack of recognition and support you described is deeply troubling and highlights a failure of the adults around you to provide the necessary care and understanding.

“don’t you find it strange that your child almost vomits in the morning when she has to go to school day after day, year after year…?”- in my case, my tics/ acute distress were ignored for the following reasons: (1) it’s easier, for family members, for neighbors etc., to ignore a child’s distress than it is to acknowledge and address it, and most choose what’s easier, especially when they have enough difficulties in their own interpersonal dynamics, (2) I was born in a country and a location where children were still considered the property of their parents, to do with as they please. For one parent to criticize another parent was considered… impolite, an overstepping, no one’s business but the parent’s, (3) in my case, people were afraid that if they express objection to how my mother treated me, they’d face her aggression themselves. It’s easier and safer to observe aggression inflicted on a 3rd party than it is to be a target of direct, personal aggression.

anita