Hi Laure,
If you have a story inside you trying to get out I believe you need to put it on paper regardless of whether or not another person will read it or like it. This has obviously got strong meaning for you and may be a way for you to grow as a person through your storytelling. Sometimes it can be difficult to keep going with something that seems so large but I find that spending even 15 minutes a day on my projects can be enough to get the ball rolling and before you know it your novel will be half finished. Good luck.
Jen

Dear Laurie,

Listening deeply to what Life is saying is one of the most joyful skills I have nurtured. After writing a reply to you online, feeling quite satisfied with my comment, I inadvertently hit a button and oops! it was all gone. So I listened. Was Life telling me to let go of participating in your discussion? Or was it saying, ‘Gary, look a little deeper’? I heard the latter.

{{ Am I writing this for myself, for others. }}

What are your motives? To actualize something that wants to be written, or to sell books?

If the former, there is no stress as you are not seeking a specific outcome. You are not trying to make your readers happy. You are writing for the joy of it, because you are urged from within to write without fully knowing why. Perhaps you are writing to gain clarity, to connect some dots inside yourself, to make sense of things. Or you may like to sharpen your writing skills for the pleasure of word crafting. You may like the idea of getting feedback from others to broaden and balance your perspective. Then you needn’t give any thought to readers except to bring clarity to your writing so you communicate your expression clearly. You can focus on being authentic, on writing from your depths for the joy of self-discovery and it doesn’t matter what others think. Then, if you are ready to be vulnerable, you can share from those depths and be okay with however they respond or with no response. That is where I am coming from in my writing.

If you are writing to sell books for fame and fortune, that is something else altogether. Then you need to consider more the technical aspects of writing. I bought a writing course from Daily Om and enjoyed the presentation at first. But the further I read, the less attracted I was. You may be in a place where such a course could be useful. There are tools online for writers as you know. I have been getting emails from one of them, and if I wanted to write a book I would look into it further. It is Reedsy at https://reedsy.com/write-a-book

{{What am I trying to share. My first reason for writing this was to express a love for nature and show that we have become disconnected from it. }}

Laurie, that is something I would like to read.

{{As I have layered my plot ideas, different aspect of my life while addressing themes in cultural and racial diversity, womanhood, loss, love, acceptance, good and evil, etc have found its way into the story. I often question if anyone would enjoy reading my book when I am done, or if I will want others to read it. I have found that each character is an extension of myself, the plot itself is a symbolic of the changes of my life. All of it is unintentionally, but knowing it now may be difficult to take criticism from others.}}

As you probably know, fictional characters often are extensions of the writer. Catherine Ann Jones writes of it in her Way of Story writing course from Daily Om.

{{I hope this book gets written, that I will not give up on it. After so many years of playing scenes in my head, I cannot imagine that I will let it go so easily. I just need to motivate myself and let my story be brought to life in words, one page at a time.}}

That is it. You will find your way, you are the only one who can. I can give you an opinion from an interpretation of my own life experience, but the way of writing is something you will discover for yourself.

Best,

Gary