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A Lost Sense of Purpose-Advice for recent grad

HomeForumsPurposeA Lost Sense of Purpose-Advice for recent grad

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  • #70047
    Brittany
    Participant

    Hello everyone. I am seeking your advice and wisdom. I graduated from college a year ago, got a 4 year degree in film making and it hasn’t gotten me anywhere. It is a very competitive industry and I am starting to loose my passion for it. In fact, I am loosing my passion in lots of things. This is the first time in my life where I don’t know what I am doing. I moved back home, living under my parents roof, in a tiny town, all my friends are either still in school or moved away. I feel so alone in terms of not getting anything done…I don’t have a career, I don’t know where to start, I don’t want to be a burden on my parents, I want to be free and happy and able to live on my own. I thought college was supposed to get me somewhere…I am slowly giving up. I have lost a lot of confidence during the year, that has left me not knowing what I even want to do to move forward. If I don’t have a good job soon, I think I need to make some changes. I have always wanted to travel and get out of the US, but then I am scared of leaving my friends and family behind. I have been reading books on buddhism to keep the flame alive inside me but sometimes I just feel down. Have any of you out there been in my situation and gotten out ok? I just feel so stuck, so lost. I would love to hear your stories because I am loosing a bit of hope. Thank you so much for your time!

    #70079
    Alex
    Participant

    Around 10 years ago, I was standing in front of my college apartment. I call it an apartment, but it was a really a small house that I was renting with my friend Nicky; I have spent the last 30 minutes trying to remember/find the address for that house, but it eludes me. It is weird the things you forget, and the things you remember.

    I remember that it was a particularly chilly December night at around 2 in the morning, and the stars seemed so unusually bright and the night’s quiet extraordinarily profound. The night was peaceful, but I was not. I felt lost and direction-less, frightened of the uncertainties in my own future, and bitter that life had not worked out according to my plans.

    You see, a few months back, the plan was for me to graduate on time and to start my career; I had been interning with this company for the past two years, and I had a permanent position line up upon graduation. However, due to departmental budget cuts and a scheduling conflict that was beyond my control, I was required to stay an extra semester at school. I lost that job offer.

    During that extra semester, I faced a constant string of rejections, and I really started questioning my career path and life choices. I put a lot of pressure on myself to get it ‘right‘ this time around because I felt that I had let my parents and myself down. However, it seemed that no matter what I do or how hard I worked, it didn’t amount to anything; I was damned if I do and damned if I don’t.

    So on that chilly night in December, I was feeling particularly sorry for myself because I hadn’t landed another job and my future outlook seemed bleak. After standing around for 20 minutes, it got colder and I realized I needed to pee, but I remember thinking that I wasn’t ready to go inside because I wasn’t done feeling sorry for myself. It was the ridiculousness of this thought that finally woke me up, and I bursted out laughing.

    I was a child throwing a tantrum at the unfairness of the world, and I was acting like an idiot. I was putting so much pressure on myself to find a good job with a good company that offers good pay along with challenging work and great people – an ideal job that I felt I had to get right now! I had the rest of my life to look forward to, but I was so stuck on that first step that I was paralyzed by fear and self-pity.

    I went to bed that night feeling better than I had in weeks. My situation didn’t change, but my mentality certainly had. I figured I would wrap up the remainder of my days at college, go back up north to enjoy the holidays, and then tackle the job situation afterwards. The very next day my car was rear-ended by another driver while I was waiting at a stoplight.

    While everyone else was heading back for the holidays, I was stuck waiting for my car to get fixed. During that time, I received an out-of-the-blue phone call for a job interview with a local company. It was fortunate that I hadn’t yet left for the holidays so the company scheduled me for an in-person interview right away. For the actual interview, I actually tried to talk my way out of the job as I felt I was under-qualify, and additionally I felt like I was cheating because I didn’t actually apply for the job and instead the company found me.

    I think the President of the company appreciated the fact that I was so upfront during the whole process, and he had more faith in my abilities than I did. Two days after the interview, I received an official offer letter in the mail, and I decided to accept the position fully knowing that I didn’t know what I was doing.

    It has been around 10 years since. In that time, I have worked for startups, worked for non-profits, worked for the government, worked in the NFL, succeeded in starting my own business, and failed at setting up other businesses. I have taken a year-and-a-half off from work to travel around the world, and I have encountered countless moments similar to that chilly December night where I stood at a crossroad of indecision not knowing what the future will bring and feeling utterly hopeless and despondent.

    Oftentimes, I wonder how my life would have turned out had things went according to my original plan. If only one single thing in a series of events had turn out differently – what if I had graduated on time, what if I hadn’t submitted my resume through the career website, what if I had not been rear-ended before the winter holidays, what if I hadn’t stepped outside of the house on that December night.

    We all make mistakes; We all fall. Plans don’t always work out and sometimes that is for the better. All we can do is try to move forward and trust that it will all somehow work out.

    Do what you can; Have faith in everything else.

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 10 months ago by Alex.
    #70123
    Altasheth
    Participant

    Hi bblove,

    As Alex writes so beautifully, I think there is a lot of pressure to land a great job in our fields right away, not the least for economic reasons. However, as you note, it’s a competitive field and even past that, a tough job market.

    Is there a way to be persistent enough to get yourself into the field? Check the job listings for broadcast companies, independent filmmakers, anyone with whom you might like to work. If they post a position at the front desk answering the phone, apply for it. Apply for everything and if you’re willing to take what might seem a menial job, it will at least get you in the door. After that, you will have the chance to show people your intelligence, generosity of spirit, and genuine interest in the business and what they do. A consistently kind presence at work cannot be overstated. If you are consistently kind, calm tempered, and interested in what coworkers do (and perhaps offer to help them out as it seems appropriate), it will be noticed. At least, this has worked for me. Cheerfully taking on a project that is making others groan has earned me lots of goodwill, an expansive network in my place of employment, and often has caught the attention of supervisors a few levels up.

    You could try this locally or you could try being very bold and apply to a network / media company away from where you live, including internationally. (Bigger companies should have more job openings.)

    In the meantime, try to notice all the things for which you’re grateful in the current situation. I was actually just having this conversation with a coworker about two hours ago, during lunch. We were talking about the unknowns / unresolved situations going into 2015 and how we were dealing with the anxiety that came along with them. She mentioned that she was trying to at least enumerate the parts of her situation that were not bad or were even good. It becomes easy to look ahead to the horizon and fret about what we do or don’t see there, but in most cases, we have not much control over those things. For your situation, maybe appreciate getting to know your parents as adults and enjoying the small details of being back home. This will make me seem ancient, but at some point your parents will no longer there and your family home may be sold and you’ll think back to this time and your parents’ quirky habits and the familiar (and presumably comforting) details of your home. Enjoy and appreciate them now, as much as you can.

    Finally, is there some way to practice your craft now? Whatever way you can keep doing what you love, do it. Offer your services for free, as you hone your skills and explore new artistic concepts. Post the results! Get yourself out there! Let your love for what you do and your curiosity about the world pull you forward into the future. Every moment spent on this is an investment in your future.

    The best of luck to you, I am confident you will land on your feet.

    #70135
    Mike
    Participant

    I have been in that situation for the past 5 years. I don’t live in my parents house, but the house I live in is paid off and was handed to me. I got my degree in criminal justice and really was never passionate about it just though it would always be a solid career with good benefits. I have never had a real job per se, I have always worked for the family apartments or done seasonal work such as cutting grass and snow removal. It is fine for me, but there is pressure to do something else. Lately I have been trying to take the skills I have developed fixing apartments and making it into a full time career. I love being creative and seeing progress, so I see it can be very fulfilling. I love learning and some of the work is mindless so I can listen to audio books or music to get me through it. It does have its drawbacks though such as lack of structure and that when i make a mistake it will come out of my own pocket and i have to pay out oc pocket for my benefits. I fought tooth and nails at first cause I thought that work is supposed to impart meaning to a person, but really we are all born with a gift and sometimes it takes a little work to find it. Sometimes we have to work jobs we don’t want in order to get the one we want and be where we want in life. It takes work and independent study at times, make yourself an asset to the field you want to work in and learn things that will set you apart.

    #70570
    N Choudry
    Participant

    Hi bblove,

    I like a lot of what others have written on here. I’m guessing you have heard “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” for just as long as I have (though me perhaps longer, since I am guessing I am older than you).

    I can say I can definitely empathize with you. And I can say that anxiety has a funny way of feeding itself and being a spiral. That is not to say there is something wrong with you–just that you might have started losing confidence, which itself led to more events / behaviors that eat away even more confidence.

    If you really want to travel, I would say go for it. Leaving friends/family can definitely be scary, but think about other risks you’ve taken in your life.

    I like a quote from the coach John Wooden, something like “If you’re not making any mistakes, you’re not really doing anything.” I think any normal, healthy person goes through hard times, feels nervous, and has doubt (regardless of age, college major, etc.)

    All the best to you

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