August 14, 2014 at 11:15 pm #63413EllaParticipant
Wasn’t really sure where this fits in but here goes. Almost two weeks ago I was admitted to hospital with what they thought was appendicitis and decided to operate that evening. “Great” I thought, no more pain. “Was I worried?” they asked at the hospital, my response was always “no”. I wasn’t, I was quite simply happy for a pain free outcome.
Things weren’t as simple though and after the op I was placed in intensive care, unable to breathe unsupported by a ventilator for two days. I know that sounds like nothing, but it terrified me knowing that they almost thought I had died and the ventilator was basically keeping me alive, and that scares the bejesus out of me.
While being in hospital I became friends with a 92 year old woman and an 84 year old woman who were full of wonderful stories and quite simply had the motto that life ends and we should just be happy because that’s all we are really searching for.
This statement struck a chord, I’ve has minor depression since my grand dad’s death and although I have some down days I was starting to feel happier – or so I thought. Now it’s not that I’m particularly unhappy, it’s just I think i was making things like a step up in my job, or a salary increase high up there on the list of happiness. I can’t say I’m unhappy in my job I’ve just outgrown it because the company isn’t willing to push me any further. It’s made me question a couple of things, can I and should I make a change to the working situation? I’m only 25 but my parents tend to criticise a lot of my choices even though I no longer live at home I feel they kinda clip my wings.
It’s kinda just given me a fright into wanting to make the little things the big things. – I don’t even know if this is a question anymore, just more of a ramble, sorry haha!
E xAugust 15, 2014 at 12:26 am #63419Abbi WinchesterParticipant
How are you? Ive read your thoughts here. Know that wherever life takes you, you will always have to make decisions. whether they seem immense or minor, it will still affect your life in some possible way. You know who you are better than anyone else, therefore you know what will make you happy. With your job, there is always space to perfect every detail. My father has been in one job for over 25 years and he has reached to the point where he also tries perfecting every small detail. Once you feel as if you do not enjoy your position in life, you can either adapt to it or have it adapt to you. You were placed on this planet just the way you are. Change for no one or nothing. Therefore have the world adapt to your astonishing ways. Little things eventually turn big. Remember when everyone was little babies? Their first step was a BIG thing. But no one ever talks about the second or third step. Keeping in mind its all the steps after that put you where you are today.August 15, 2014 at 9:30 am #63450MattParticipant
What a blessing to have such a forced timeout, and to be surrounded by people with such life experience! What a great chance to recalibrate! I hope your breath has returned to its full vigor.
You’re right on to make the little things the big things. Rather than focusing on the results, such as trying to make breakfast the big joy and the job the small one, consider that perhaps its more about the moment to moment decisions as you follow your heartfelt desires. Like, it doesn’t matter what you have for breakfast, what you do for a living, if at each step you follow what seems best, what sings best to your heart. Rather than trying to find the “big choices that make it all peachy”, its more like a million small decisions that make peaches and thunderstorms a wonder of nature.
Its ironic you also feel that pressure from your parents. They have a way of really deflating the wind from our sails if we let them! They don’t clip our wings though, our “taking in their words” causes us to clip them ourselves. Big difference! Luckily, feathers grow back. 🙂
My mom does the same thing. “Hey Matt, compassion isn’t a noble goal, you need to…” and then any smorgasbord of things she thinks is lacking in my life. If I were to bring her words in, trust her wisdom over my own heartwhispers, perhaps I would abandon my choices for hers. Instead, I hug her, thank her for her kind attempts to light my way for me, and watch her drive home. Then, back to compassion! 🙂 Parents might not get the path their children walk, but once we’re fired from the bow, launched out into the world, they also don’t have the same information we do, haven’t seen and heard the same things. This makes them more likely to push/pull us according to their own vision, instead of our own, but that’s OK. They are our parents, and their job is pretty much always going to be to poke and prod. 🙂
From a different direction, consider that instead of trying to find something in the small things, try to just breathe, be mindful, letting go of the past and future. That’s when we stop being so distracted by what mom and dad said should bring us happiness, and happiness blooms quite easily inside us. Then, toast, bagels, cereal, fruit… the content of breakfast doesn’t matter as much as the smiling beauty that is chewing whatever it is.
If you have difficulty staying present, mind sliding this way and that, consider starting a meditation practice. Like letting our parents come, say what they have to say, and go, we can do the same with our thoughts and perceptions. They arise, do their little dance, then go. As we meditate, the space surrounding our thoughts opens up, and they don’t poke and prod us nearly as much. A great starting practice is metta meditation. Metta is the feeling of warm friendship, and helps the mind become peaceful, spacious, and smooth. Consider “Sharon salzberg guided metta meditation” on YouTube, if interested. There’s no need for the criticism to become sticky, from either your parents or yourself. 🙂
MattAugust 16, 2014 at 3:18 pm #63517BenzRabbitParticipant
It is just a ‘call’ – your soul wants you to figure out the next chapter(s) of your life !
All you need to do is decide which way next !!
In view of your prior depression (even minor), don’t let it become anything bigger.
God bless !