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About friendship and forgetfulness

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  • #103434
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi,

    I was wondering – if a friend constantly forgets anything you said (for example – you tell them you like _____ band and they say “oh I never heard of it I’m going to look them up when I get home!” and then a week later you say “oh, I’m listening to _________ band (being the same band) and they say “Is that a band or a song, never heard of them”)….

    that kind of stuff constantly. Does that kind of mean they don’t really value what you say or listen? I understand people have busy lives, but this person talks to me constantly and doesn’t remember most of what I say constantly. I’m just wondering because I share a lot with this person and they seem interested, but then if they don’t remember things I tell them about how could they care or be interested?

    #103435
    sandstorm
    Participant

    hmmn you are boring for them thats why they might ignore you sometime

    #103443
    HealingWords
    Participant

    Hi Samantha,

    Two years ago I would have told you that your friend isn’t listening to you; however, after knowing a friend/co-worker of mine who forgets things easily and often as well, it is simply that she has poor memory, and just cannot remember details or even events. It does not mean you are not important or interesting, it might just be your friend cannot remember things that well.

    Laure

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 8 months ago by HealingWords.
    #103445
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Samantha:

    Unless your friend is, indeed, suffering from poor memory (and you can evaluate this possibility by checking on hi/ her memory in other areas: if in school/ taking a class, does he/ she complain about remembering details for a test, or otherwise, in other scenarios), then the fact that he/she “talks to me constantly and doesn’t remember most of what I say constantly,” that does mean the person doesn’t care about what you say.

    Everyone forgets sometimes, and perfection should not be expected or demanded, but frequently, repeatedly and even constantly forgetting, this indicates something.

    Does this person remembers what you say in areas such as your intimate relationships, family relationships but forgets what you say regarding music, for example? This may mean that the person is indeed bored with some areas (other people’s favorite bands, for one) but is interested in other areas (relationships). In the latter case, it will be wise to talk to that person about relationships and not about music.

    Does any of these possibilities explains your friend’s forgetfulness, or is there another possibility I didn’t think about?

    anita

    #103637
    Anne
    Participant

    Is your friend the kind of person who would be there for you if you were in trouble? Does she show up to your meetings on time, or in other ways show you that you’re important to her? If so, value her for her good qualities and forgive her for her imperfections. If she is thoughtless or careless with your feelings in other ways, it could be time to re-evaluate the friendship.

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