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Abusive Alcoholic Brother

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  • February 12, 2017 at 1:17 pm #127280
    dom
    Participant

    My big brother has been struggling with alcoholism. We have tried and tried to encourage him to get help and it seems anytime he is making progress he falls even further down after a certain amount of time and just breaks. I have heard he is being abusive to his wife physically. His abuse has never gotten farther than verbal abuse from what I have seen but I do not doubt the rumors. Him and his wife have two lovely daughters and a son. Aged 5, 3, and 1. His wife does not have the means to support herself or her family without him and he will not allow her to get a job. I suspect this is because he wants to control her in a way and he fears she will leave him once she does have the means. It is extremely frustrating to me especially because of the children. I fear the children will grow up thinking his behavior is okay and find themselves in a similar situation their mother is in. I have thought about basically “disowning” him or cutting myself off if I talk to him and his behavior doesn’t get better. However, I know it would probably just make things worse if I bring more negativity and anger into the mix. Her family is quite poor and none of them would be able to support her either. I have thought about the possibility of her staying with us but I am only 17 and still live under my dad’s roof and I don’t imagine he would be okay with that. Any advice for how to handle this situation would be greatly appreciated.

    February 12, 2017 at 5:13 pm #127286
    Nevasky
    Participant

    Im not sure if what i have to say is advice, but i have been though something similar.My younger brother is extremely abusive he attacked my mom couple months latter he attacked me in front of my kids in a way where i thought he may kill me. i warned his wife after that something not right it more then just mental, it a excuse and im only one in my family that believes it a lie. i told her that this will happen to her in due time. She called me a liar and horrible person for throwing my brother in jail. After that he turn friends i had since high school against me but in less then year he attacked her . So what have done i cut my self off from him and at first it was about anger but there this quote i found “There are two things a person should never be angry at; what they can help, and what they cannot” I cant help my brother i have tried for years and it hurts just yesterday i saw two kids playing outside and it reminded me growing up with him. I just dont need that in my life, ill end this on a light note “Decide you must, how to serve them best. If you leave now, help them you could; but you would destroy all for which they have fought, and suffered.” Yoda. Sometimes you cant help them and they have to fight and suffer on there own to see the right path.

    February 12, 2017 at 7:07 pm #127297
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear dom:

    In the U.S. there are shelters for women and children, some are very nice, like a group home with meals, toys, and counselors on-site. Those shelters are kept a secret from the (allegedly) abusive husband/ boyfriends- the condition for staying there is that the abuser doesn’t know where his wife and children are. If you live in the U.S., or anywhere else where such shelters are available, you may suggest it to the wife. You can look at “Helpful Free Resources” under HOME, above, left for such help.

    Even if your father agreed that his daughter-in-law and children will stay in his home, your brother will know where they are and will make it very difficult or impossible for them to stay with you and your father. If your father has the financial means he can help her get a separation, divorce, rent a place, etc. but that will take a lot of money.

    You are a caring 17 year old, only a child yourself…

    How old is your brother and how long has he been troubled- do you know the origins of his troubled mind?

    anita

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