fbpx
Menu

Abusive Father

Home→Forums→Relationships→Abusive Father

New Reply
Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • May 12, 2020 at 1:41 pm #354638
    Amogh
    Participant

    Hello everyone, I’m 22 years old. I have an abusive and rude father who is always rude to my mother. He tries to dominate her and abuses her verbally everytime when he’s drunk. He blames my mother for his misery in life. I have tried to talk to him many times to stop this violence but he never listens or maybe listens for a day or two and he’s back to square one. I was unable to watch this and yelled at him many times. Yesterday I was upset on him and used mean and rude words (literally used bad language). He is still the same. I’m losing my sanity and I feel like physically abusing him if he does the same everyday. Is there any way that I can stop this. I want my mother to stop hurting because of this. Sometimes I lose hope in life and think of suicide.

     

    May 12, 2020 at 2:07 pm #354646
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Amogh:

    I now understand the anxiety that you described in your first thread almost two years ago: “Even when riding my bike, I feel anxious, tense and my heart beat increases so bad that I just think ‘what if I die in an accident?’ This happens with my everyday activities and I’m unable to enjoy the present, always living with anxiety”-

    – You’ve been so anxious because you have “an abusive and rude father who.. abuses (your mother) verbally every time when he’s drunk”.

    But notice how courageous you are: even though you are afraid of smaller things like riding a bike, you weren’t afraid to stand up to your father, so to protect your mother: “I have tried to talk to him many times to stop this violence.. yelled at him many times”.

    You love your mother more than you are afraid of your father.

    Please take in the following thoughts:

    1. You are a good person.

    2. You are a courageous person.

    3. You are not responsible for your father’s behaviors.

    4. It is not your duty to protect your mother, and you can’t protect her (other than call the police).

    5. It’s been your father’s and mother’s duty to protect you all these years, and both failed to fulfill their duty.

    And now, my suggestion: think of a way for you to no longer live with your mother and father, but instead: move away from the two of them, make a life for yourself away from the abuse and violence you grew up with.

    And do post again, let me know of your thoughts and feelings and we can communicate for as long as you want to.

    anita

    May 12, 2020 at 2:31 pm #354654
    Amogh
    Participant

    Dear Anita, yes you’re right. Part of what I’m today with anxiety is because of this drama started by my father. In fact, I have just observed this for a long time and remained silent nor spoke about this to anyone. I don’t want to frame my father as the worst guy because he made sure that I completed my education. My mother has taken good care of me and protected me everytime.

    I Just don’t wish to lose sanity and do something I might regret. I want to leave with my  mother and let my father stay alone and make sure he understands what he has done his whole life.

    Is this acceptable? I see that there’s no other solution. We may have to embrace life for what it is but sometimes avoiding things is better than embracing them.

    May 12, 2020 at 2:47 pm #354656
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Amogh:

    I understand that you don’t want to lose your sanity and do something you will regret. This is why I think that it is very important that you find a new living situation for yourself.

    You mentioned that you want you and your mother to leave your father together, but I don’t think your mother will want to leave your father with you or with anyone. I think she will choose to stay with him. What do you think?

    anita

  • Author
    Posts
Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.