I am a 22 year old male. I recently met a girl and was immediately attracted towards her. As I got to know her, I developed a very strong affection. This ardent affection arose over the course of only 10 days. I expected nothing from her in the way of relationships and made absolutely no judgements, at least not consciously, about her character and why it was that I felt such a strong love. I did not make any attempts to rationalise my feelings nor did I suppress what I felt; I just accepted it. I hadn’t felt this intensely for a long time.

I wanted to give her a gift, so I decided to write a poem and dedicate it to her. The poem expressed a desire for the ideal of selfless love. I think it was well written (you’ll have to take my word lol) but she misunderstood it and perceived it as very intense. It intimidated her so much that she ended all contact with me, telling me that it was strange and that we are not on the same wavelength.

I am not mad at her. Even though my hurt ego would like to lambaste her character, I am no longer someone who readily passes judgements on the motives and actions of another. But I cannot seem to get over it. The first thought when I wake up every morning is about her. Whenever I meditate, the most intrusive thoughts are all of her. I feel restless and constantly find myself hoping that she will feel differently about this, even though it is somewhat clear that she has no intention of contacting me again.

I realised that even when I felt my love for her to be selfless, I still expected something from her. I desired her attention and wanted her to be a receptacle of my affection. But this realisation and my attempts at acceptance have done almost nothing to palliate my restlessness. Is there something hindering my acceptance of all this? Is it the youthful naivety that still lurks within me, that I have no conscious control over? Just looking for someone who has had similar experiences and can shed some light.

Regards.