Hi, you answered your own question when you said I can sleep without those things 🙂 the best thing to do is see the thought but let it drift off again unfortunately it does take time and practice, not getting a good sleep does tend to make the mind race but you will get there, I found answering back to the thoughts only helped to increase them, try to get a routine for bedtime, lavender is fantastic on your pillow 🙂 I highly recommend it! Don’t focus on trying to fall asleep your body will do it all by itself just sit back and feel your body relaxing, I had trouble sleeping and this is all the things I used and it helped me get my sleep pattern back 🙂 reading helps as well, good luck I hope this helps you x

Jcat,

I’m sorry for your restlessness and suffering, and can understand how it can be difficult to relax, let go and sleep. Often when we have a very creative mind, we end up on numerous wild goose chases around our brain. Sleeping is difficult in this state, because during the goose chase, little things capture our attention, preventing our relaxation. Little things, like “maybe I left the light on” to big ones, such as “what do I do about him/her/it”. A few things came to heart as I read your words.

Consider that perhaps what you’re dealing with is “agitated mind”, rather than anxiety, cat not on the bed, boyfriend on the Xbox, and so forth. Those are symptoms, little clinging bits that catch your attention, cycle around and so forth, but the underlying cause is restlessness in the brain. Which is not unusual, unworkable or difficult to untangle, settle.

It does however, require a bit of “stepping back” or “becoming rooted in awareness” or “developing concentration”. Imagine for a moment that many of us carry a stick with a carrot on it, and usually focus a lot of our attention on the carrot. Chasing our dreams, the next meal, the next movie, TV program, sexual experience etc… the carrot always changing, shifting. Sort of “leaning into the future” or chasing expectations. So, when we lay down at night, we try to set down the carrot and stick, but our mind is still chasing… so it gets creative, and starts inventing new needs to chase. “Cat”, “boyfriend”, “lights off” and so forth become illusions, as though they are needed for rest, for peace.

Stepping back is a matter of seeing the carrot, the stick, and the being laying in bed, seeing the fantasy, and letting it go. For me, the easiest time I had was in counting breath meditation, which helps develop concentration. Said differently, doing a counting breath exercise can help give the mind something to do, a helpful carrot that brings concentration. Consider searching YouTube for “Ajahn Jayasaro counting breaths” on YouTube if interested.

Another thing that might help is to stop trying to sleep, and try to find rest. It isn’t about drifting off into some dream state, its about setting down all the carrots, and letting your body relax, come home, feel safe. If you’re visually inclined, consider envisioning you and your bed in a vast field of flowers and light. No need of this or that, no direction to go, no aim, just laying in bed, with endless horizons on all sides of you. As thoughts come up “where’s my cat?” just nod at the thought, notice it, and open the space back up, move back to field. As we practice in that way, instead of getting sucked into the “cat” bits, whereby we begin to feel restless outside (must.get.cat….), the thought comes up like a flower in the field, and doesn’t challenge the peacefulness. Just a blossom with an interesting smell, interesting goofyness (need a cat to sleep, ha ha ha self, good one!).

Finally, consider looking around your waking life and try to see where and what it is that challenges your feeling of safety. Sometimes when we are insecure about our body, our past, our romantic partner and so forth, these nighttime fantasies/restless feelings and thoughts are results. For instance, if our mom is in the hospital, we may really want that cat to help remind us of home, of love, of being grounded, well rooted and so forth. Sometimes its not something as direct as mom being sick, rather a general sense of “not safe” or “unable”. If you can find the sources of that (past or present) and shine compassion into them (make space, bring them into the field etc), then the mind won’t push and pull nearly as much. Much like wind is very agitating to a tree with no roots, but an oak is unchallenged, resolute with thick roots.

Namaste, may you find your quiet space.

With warmth,
Matt