I’m having a hard time. My dad is dying of cancer, I have a young son and I am also having relationship stresses and I’m not sure if I am at fault. I had post natal depression after the birth of my son following a very traumatic birth where I nearly lost my life. I’m a strong person and have a busy and successful career. My boss wants me to go for another promotion. In the midst of this I have a very tumultuous relationship with my partner and father of my child. We have blazing rows, where I always end up crying and sad and lonely. The main reason for it is that I feel like he is negative and moody and really passive aggressive and it gets me down. I’ve started to go to counselling and she suggested I have a boundary problem as my dad was an alcoholic and my previous partner had a drink problem and was very controlling.
Tonight I came in after work, anxious and emotional as I have to visit my dad on Sunday, and my partner was very unresponsive and what I felt was nasty and unfeeling. I took myself out the situation to try and get some rest, but just feel lost and empty. He doesn’t “get” emotion and I’m unsure I can live in a relationship like that. When things are good he is caring and loving, but whenever I am going through a difficult time emotionally- like now my dad is sick- he just switches of and I feel like he kicks me about emotionally and takes advantage of the fact I’m feeling low by being nasty. When I’m “up” or things are going well for me, he is the best person to be around, by when things are a bit of a struggle (like sometimes happens in life) he is cold, distant and sometimes actually nasty to me. I have tried talking to him about this when times are good, but it never makes any difference. I feel tired, let down, lonely and unconnected. I also feel like I can’t speak to any of my friends about it as I feel embarrassed and like it is my fault as I do get emotional sometimes and end up either really hysterical crying and begging him to be nice or end up us both shouting at each other and getting nowhere. In other areas of my life I am strong and capable, and respected in my job, but when I get home I feel like a mess as I can’t get my relationship right. I wonder if there is something wrong with me. To add to this, we have just got engagaged but I don’t want to move forward until I am secure that he can emotionally support me through tough times and not add to the tough times. Again though, I’m not sure if this is my issue and that it is not actually his place to support me? Maybe I need to do that for myself? I’m not sure I am in a healthy relationship.

• This topic was modified 7 years, 10 months ago by Danita.