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Am I being led on?

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  • March 31, 2016 at 5:49 pm #100582
    Shae03
    Participant

    Hey everyone, really in need of some clarity right now because I’m so confused

    About three years ago I met a girl through a mutual friend and we got along really well, so I added her on Facebook and we started chatting. We had been talking basically all day every day, after a couple of weeks she told me how she had stopped seeing a guy a few months ago who treated her really bad so she was still a bit tender from that and confused about what she needs right now but really enjoys getting to know me etc. I said that’s fine I’m happy to take it slow for her and see what happens.
    So we continued just talking, and after a while she had said she really does like me, has spoken to her friends and realised I’m a great guy and not like the last one, she’s really keen etc. Because she’s a teacher we organised to wait until the holidays and go on a date then. That way I figured she still wouldn’t feel rushed.
    We were still talking a lot every day, and just being really cute with her messages. This lasted about two months.
    So school holidays came along, and we decided we would go to the movies, (she had also suggested for a couple of days later that I came with her to her friends party). We were holding hands in the movie and got a kiss, it went really well. Our mutual friend messaged me the next day telling me how she is saying all these nice things about me.
    When the day came for her friends party she told me she had a really bad migraine so she couldn’t go, I had no real reason to doubt her so was sympathetic and understood.
    The next day she was very quiet, and I could tell there was something else wrong. I asked her if she is okay, had I said something to upset her, she said no she’s feeling confused again about how she feels about me. Asked her if something had happened for her to feel that way again because it seems out of the blue, but she couldn’t really say, was just a lot of ‘I know I’m not making sense I’m sorry’ the conversation basically ended with me saying perhaps she needs a couple of days to herself to have a think about what she wants.

    The thing is, what do I do? I do really like her but I’m scared of this happening again.. I feel as though being confused at the start is understandable, but things were going great and then she was confused again, what’s to say if we continue that wouldn’t happen again down the track, when we’re actually dating.
    Ive been in that situation before where I was constantly worrying how the other person felt and I really am scared of being in that situation again. Is she leading me on and enjoys the attention of it all? Is it worth pursuing or am I better off cutting off to save the pain, because I do really like her.

    March 31, 2016 at 9:57 pm #100617
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Shae03:

    The movie date, holding hands and a kiss, you wrote that it went really well. That was the first and only time you got together in person, your very first date. It is possible she felt something was off on that first and only date but went along with the date anyway. And later, she didn’t want to tell you what turned her off.

    It could be that the date did go well enough but something happened in her life after that first date and she doesn’t want a second date.

    It seems like she is not interested in a second date. Maybe you can ask her in a way that she will feel comfortable answering. You can tell her you just want to understand so you are no longer confused, you just to know her reasoning: was the first date good for her, or not? That is one question to start with.

    Please do post again…

    anita

    April 1, 2016 at 4:55 am #100622
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Shae03,

    I would put the ball in her court. A certain way to turn people off forever is to say, “Let me know how you feel in a day or two.” Then there’s the added pressure of a dead line, or them dreading seeing you ~ because it’s bad news! I would say, “OK, you have my number, it was really great meeting you and I’m glad I know you!”

    If there is no pressure from your end, her thoughts and fantasies will tend to take a more positive turn.

    If nothing happens I would throw a party (like next month, not now) with a half dozen friends and invite her to hang out. Then it’s low/no pressure, she’s not your “date” and she will meet your other friends and feel comfortable around you.

    Be the cool, low pressure guy.

    Good Luck,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 7 months ago by Inky.
    April 2, 2016 at 4:21 am #100687
    mahsa
    Participant

    Dear Shae03,

    Due to your descriptions of the relationship and her manners, i guess she is not still at peace with herself; It’s not about you or anybody else but herself. all of us know that through these meetings and socializing with people, we tend to know them better than by texting or chatting for a long time. I think she is behaving like a kid here; no matter how you play it gently or humor her, she cannot be straightly open to you about her emotions.
    And Why do you feel guilty for no reason (you asked her what you did wrong and etc.) It is very nice of you to be caring but please consider that you, yourself, are a part of this relationship and you need some positive feedback to go on satisfied. And there is one thing i don’t understand: what is the problem of having a date for a teacher during schooldays??!! To sum it up, i think like many modern people in this busy world, she has mistaken her career and social position for her true self and feminine identity. Maybe she needs some time to put herself back together, but be cautious and keep it just a nice friendship till she proves to be the beloved that the knight in you is looking for.

    Best Luck

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