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Am i being paranoid? what should I do

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  • March 5, 2019 at 9:09 pm #283227
    zensofia
    Participant

    Hi,

    somehow my previous post didn’t post, so hopefully this is not redundant.

    I am seeking advice on what to do/if I am overthinking/overanalyzing, which I tend to do.

    My bf of 1 year, recently moved to a new town. Actually, he’s moving back to where he was before I met him in town B and he has 2 ex’es there (town A let’s say). Let’s call ex 1 and ex 2. He dated ex 1 for about a year then ex 2 about 6 months before moving for a new job in town B where we met.

    I am afraid that ex 1 might reach out to him again or that he would (he initially said why not as they are no bad feelings, then agreed not to). I learned that she reached out to him after 6 months of breaking up, prior to him leaving his town A, and professed that she still loved him. He declined as he was just getting out of that 6month relationship w ex 2 and wanted to focus on his career.  They are still friends on instagram, facebook, as well as LinkedIn. I am weary as he had recently updated his LinkedIn and she might reach out. Part of me thinks that he updated it for her, but the sane part of me knows that is probably not the case as he is big on networking.

    I am also afraid that they might bumped into each other, as they both are fans of a the same sports team and perhaps will bump into each other at games. I am also afraid that he won’t tell me, although I feel like he would. Should I ask him what he would do hypothetically should they bump into each other  or if she reaches out? Or I should let it go as it shows my insecurity.  We have a transparent relationship where we share our past and fears and hopes since he knows I have had bad relationships in the past. I am just not sure this is something that should be addressed to  him and more something I should work on, feeling insecure as compared to her.

    We are both in our 30s. He even asked me to come with him to apt search in Town A(which I have and consistently asked for my input on the apt decoration, etc) and even mentioned to landlords about the possibility of me moving in later on in the year. I think he’s committed but somehow I am insecure that the ex will outshine? me and persuade him/take his interest again?

    I will appreciate any advice

    Thank you very much

    Anxious and insecured

     

     

     

     

    March 6, 2019 at 5:36 am #283253
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear zensofia:

    I don’t think you are paranoid because it is not unheard of that two people that were in a relationship before resume their relationship. Also, it is not unheard of that geographical proximity facilitates relationships.

    It reads like you have a good relationship with him (“We have a transparent relationship where we share our past and fears and hopes”), therefore I think it is a good idea for you to “ask him what he would do hypothetically should they bump into each other”-

    -I would tell him that I am anxious about the prospects of ex 1 messaging him that they should meet in person, or him messaging her the same, and ask him what is his position on messaging her and how will he respond to her suggestion online that they meet.

    Let him know that you are asking these questions because getting information often does calm anxiety, because one wonders less, ruminates less. Ask him in a casual tone, best you can, so that he is more likely to feel comfortable and tell you the way it is, for him.

    Depending on his answers to the above, I will figure, if I was you, what to ask him next.

    anita

    March 6, 2019 at 10:02 am #283319
    Hannah
    Participant

    I think you are being paranoid to an extent but mostly, it’s anxiety. I don’t think it would hurt to ask him those question, but do it in a casual tone. Let me know what is on your mind, what is worrying you. But I do think that your anxiety is making this situation bigger than it is.

     

    -Hannah.

    March 6, 2019 at 10:53 am #283351
    zensofia
    Participant

    Thank you very much for the suggestions! I will ask him in an as casual tone I can on this topic…!

     

    Thanks again!

    March 6, 2019 at 11:10 am #283357
    Anonymous
    Guest

    You are welcome, zensofia. Post again anytime you want to.

    anita

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