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Am i milking a dead cow???

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Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
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  • October 9, 2017 at 1:15 pm #172239
    Tracy
    Participant

    Hi guys,

    so ive been dating by boyfriend tim for about 3 years now. for the first 2.5 years, it was wonderful. I would say the best thing o ever exist. It was a dream come true. We were best friends as well as lovers. about 5 months ago i felt things were different, and each time i would speak out about it it would be considered ‘a fight’. eventually it got frustrating and he asked to take some space appart so that we can reflect on things and what we want. during this break i think i tried everything possible to ‘make things work’ but all in vain.  Fast forward a month later, we decide to meet and sort things out. a month into sorting things out, it begins to take a toll on me since im begining to feel like im putting in all the effort. (also just to point this out, he had started a new job just about the same time we decided to work things out,which means his schedule was very very busy.)

    So basically it was really really hard and i kept breaking and falling appart.  he ofcourse says hes just busy with the new job with having to prove himself and that he still feels the same way and that we are ok.

    He has started to come around and is a bit better than a month ago but still feels like as though something is lacking.

    Do you guys think it is worth still trying out or are we just trying to save something that is already dead.

    much thanks

    tracey,

    toronto,the 416.

    October 10, 2017 at 9:52 am #172619
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Tracy:

    You wrote: “about 5 months ago i felt things were different” and then, that you “still feels like as though something is lacking.”-

    What things were different and what is it that was there before and now is not there (lacking)?

    anita

    October 10, 2017 at 10:06 am #172623
    Tracy
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

     

    thank you you so much for your response.

    For the firs two and s half years we did things that would constantly show / remind the other that they are loved and that they were the most important person in the world. In fact, Like I was the only person in the world.The  it just felt like there was less effort put into showing each other that as opposed to the first couple of years, more as time went by.

    Now it only feels like something is lacking because there’s barely any time made. Well still tbits not even at 50% showing, but claims it’s because of the turn Work has taken.

    I have seen how busy work has gotten, even late at night or on weekends it’s a 24/hr operation that requires his attention. We have gone from texting 24/7 to a couple of calls and texts in the day.

    So I feel, there’s not much effort put in as before. To meet or to even express himself with words as before. Hence kind of leaving me feeling abit unsatified.

    im not sure if I’m being unreasonable or blind!

    October 10, 2017 at 10:43 am #172635
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Tracy:

    You are welcome. It reads to me that he is really busy, so understandably he is less available.

    Were the two of you during the 2.5 years so available that you were able to be “texting 24/7″-m neither one was busy doing something else other than focusing on each other?

    You wrote in your original post: ” for the first 2.5 years, it was wonderful. I would say the best thing o ever exist. It was a dream come true”- was it a dream during the whole 2.5 years? Perfectly calm and loving and conflict free- the whole time?

    anita

     

     

    October 10, 2017 at 11:21 am #172641
    Tracy
    Participant

    We both still worked then, but at that time his job was a bit less demanding. Now there’s a new project that’s come up for him. I also still work.

    it was good. Of course there would be a misunderstanding here or there but it was rare. Or ever too small to even remember.

    October 10, 2017 at 11:53 am #172647
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Tracy:

    Looking back, we often see things in a nostalgic way, that is, better than it was. In your case, you see it as perfect, and it couldn’t have been. “a misunderstanding here or there” as rare as it was, is less than perfect. A texting of 24/7 couldn’t have taken place. It must have been less than that. If you hold on to a perfect view of the past, then any imperfection in the present is magnified. I am suggesting that the past wasn’t as great as it seems to you and the present is therefore, not as lacking. A more balanced, realistic view of the past and present will be helpful to you, I believe.

    anita

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