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Am i too late?

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  • May 27, 2017 at 10:29 pm #150930
    jon
    Participant

    Recently hit it off with a girl who was 100% interested in me and i was 100% interested in her. Yet after 2 weeks of talking(haven’t met in real life yet) and getting to know each other I cut it off because i was…..feeling more than nervous, i guess anxious that something would wrong. what was it that i thought could go wrong? I HAVE NO IDEA. We ended up still chatting online after i ended for like a week and then finally we ended up meeting in real life. Went to movie and dinner, we both had a great time. over the span of 2 weeks after that , she will barely responded to any messages i send her unless they require the utmost emergency. (These message literally were along the lines of “how are you?” or “how as your day”.)We did meet once more in real life at a party she was holding at her house and it was fun, not even one bit awkward, where we did talk to each other and had a good time. Its been a few days since then and she does not  respond to me on social media still.

    I realize i fucked up and i cant go back in time. Im new to dating, the before part, during and after part. So my questions are,

    1.) I do want to to ask her out again and explain to her why i was wrong when i did break it off before it barely even started.

    2.) I want to at least be able to communicate with her again, even as just friends.

    Those are my main questions if ANYONE can help with or has been through something simliar. Like i said, we still talked for awhile after i broke it off and then after the first time we went out together (as friends) she cut off all communication basically until we met at her party and then boom, back to no communication. So i was thinking, i rejected her, she still had feelings for me so she stucked around, and at some point stops talking to me because she found someone else OR she may have just not care about being in a relationship with me anymore.

    i guess another question would be How would i get her to talk to me again if she wont even respond if i say “hello, was your day?” and if she does resond should i take it slow and hang out with her to see if she is still interested in me OR has boyfriend because i feel like asking directly if she still has feelings for me might be a bit awkward if she doesn’t anymore Or has boyfriend.

    May 28, 2017 at 3:09 am #150946
    Ann – Marie
    Participant

    Hi John,

    Just to let you know from your impression here you seem like a lovely caring & understanding person. 🙂

    So you started chatting online & got nervous before the initial meet, thats normal, you turned it around by getting back in touch which is great. Then you both went had a night out everything seem to go really well.

    However, the fact she is not responding to your messages is her way of saying it’s not for her. Whether its because maybe after the date she realised she didn’t want to date or she’s nervous for whatever reason. I would suggest stop messaging her especially if you have more than twice with no response.

    Take it as your next life lesson, enjoy the experience you had & as you said you are new to it there are many more people in the world.

    Get to know yourself before dating this is very important, when you know who you are, its much easier to attract the right kind of person for you.

    Everything that happens in life for you is a lesson, look at the whole situation yourself included, what did you learn.

    Hope this helps 🙂

    May 28, 2017 at 10:07 am #150968
    jon
    Participant

    In all honestly it did help. The conclusion is the same no matter how i think about. That is the fact that i made a decision to let this chance go and there nothing to be done after that. Thank you for the advice

    Was good to hear from a second voice on the topic.

    If anything i can use this experience in the future.

    May 28, 2017 at 8:39 pm #151024
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jon:

    You broke off a romantic online communication with her because you felt anxious, then still communicated online for a while. Did you share with her that you broke off the romantic communication because of anxiety? I wonder what reason you gave her then?

    “If anything I can use this experience in the future?- to communicate better with the next woman, when calm and when anxious.

    anita

    May 28, 2017 at 9:27 pm #151026
    jon
    Participant

    yeah i clearly explained that it was because i was having some anxiety at first and i didn’t want to begin a relationship if that was how i was feeling at the time. I did not want to get into something when i could’ve had the power to end it earlier on to avoid any troubles. Although in hindsight, i feel like i should’ve given this a shot, cause the more i think about it, the more it seems like i really could’ve enjoyed myself. I honestly didn’t give that solid of a reason other than i felt like something “could go wrong”.  As you said i can use this experience to communicate better with the next woman; when calm and when anxious.

    May 28, 2017 at 10:17 pm #151036
    jon
    Participant

    One thing im curious about is why she would still invite me to her party when she wasn’t talking to me for a week or so before the party and hasn’t talked to me since the party. It was a small party of 5 ppl as well so we were in the same room doing the same stuff together. I thought she maybe wanted to be friends but like i said she hasn’t said a word to me.  Im thinking if she does want to be friends she’s trying to let our breakup be in the past and have the both of us past it.

    May 29, 2017 at 5:05 am #151044
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear jon:

    She too is lacking in the communication department, leaving you guessing, wondering what she is thinking and feeling and what are her motivations. If she told you, you wouldn’t have to guess.

    If indeed, the two of you communicated well in the beginning, then stopped communicating well, you keeping communication very superficial (ex. “hello, was your day?” ) and she, not responding to your messages, maybe it is time for you to reach out to the deeper communication you once had and ask her the questions that are on your mind? After all, she is the only one having the answers to her own thoughts, feelings and motivations.

    Regarding your anxiety, you wrote that you have no idea why you felt it during the online romantic communication with her. Would you like to look into why?

    If you do, you may benefit from it, be able to explain it to her (in the same message with the questions to her, perhaps), and learn what to do when you feel anxious again in the context of a possible relationship.

    anita

    May 29, 2017 at 2:22 pm #151148
    Smile
    Participant

    @Ann Marie’s advice is wonderful.

    Know thy self… it is the key… work on yourself, build your confidence level.

    You might have spoilt the show with your anxiety , she lost attraction for you. Ladies are naturally attracted to confident guys.

    But not your loss though, it is her loss…. develop your self and you will meet someone better.

    May 29, 2017 at 8:13 pm #151164
    jon
    Participant

    Thank you again for the advice guys and i actually ended up letting her know how i regret not moving further and wished i had at least given us a shot. She asked me why and i explained again and she wants to just be friends. Thats what i was hoping for; an answer to not knowing where exactly we were going. So my situation is complete. thank you for everyones advice and help.

    May 29, 2017 at 8:28 pm #151172
    Anonymous
    Guest

    You are welcome, jon. Post anytime.

    anita

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