Lonedove,

hi. Thank you connecting, I understand how difficult this situation can be. Yes I finally did. It got to the point where I needed to know for myself, rather than wanting to know. And we had a very honest, open and kind-hearted discussion. That first talk he said he didn’t know if he had time for a relationship and that he’s really slow this stuff…and came up with a solution I later that night realized wouldn’t work for me emotionally. So I told him I needed time to think about what we talked about and several days later I realized that what I really desired was for me to be happy and for him to be as well. And understanding where he was coming from I simply said that I really cared about him and that i want him to be successful and do all the things that made him happy. But that what we talked about wouldn’t work for me. Then I said maybe you need to go do what you need to do and I need to do what I need to do. And then I told him that I hope I am still available when he does what get to “that” place in his life. He wasn’t all for it, but he’s currently thinking about what I said. He wanted time and said he’s slow at this type of stuff. That was a week and a half ago and we haven’t spoken since.

This is all all coming from a place of love, and of course, hands down, I don’t want to lose him. But yeah know, if that’s what he needs right now, I am happy to give it to him.

1. Well, he said he wanted to see me more. And tried setting up a time later in the week. But the tone…it felt wishy washy….and that’s not where I am with him. I am 100% in, even though I agree we probably should see each other more before we commit. But, I am so confident in taking that dive. Why this didn’t work for me – because I felt that it wouldn’t bring out the best in me. I think I would be frustrated. And I don’t want to compromise my happiness like that.

Yeah know, i really know he cares about me. And he just gets better and better – he amazes me constantly. And I respect him and myself enough to not push it. It’s honestly killing me right now, but, I wouldn’t take back my decision to possibly let him free. I’m just giving him the space to think about things and I’m working on my own life in the process.

I used to push things as well. It sounds like you’re doing well with it all. I guess the best thing to remember is the more you connect with the deepest parts of you during times like these and let those guide your decisions the better you will feel. Doesn’t mean it’s not hard. Doesn’t mean you can’t cry. Doesn’t mean you cant fear losing him. But, I think you’ll feel complete in a sense when you choose what’s best based on your values and from a loving state of mind.

I used to view life as a “everyone sees the world differently”…so what’s right? I felt like no choice was right because ever choice is right from a different perspective. So I would discount my own beliefs. And now I’ve learned that even if my beliefs are unreasonable, like the kind of guy I want in my life should kiss me on the forehead 5 times a day because that’s what I really want…it’s valid. I think where people can go wrong with this kind of thinking though, is that it comes from a mean or angry place. Like “he did this so f that…this is what i want”. I really believe now that a decision that comes from a compassionate state of mind….a compassionate one for your values and a loving one for the other party’s situation are the most wholesome ones.