Hi Sarah,

You mentioned your past relationship was filled with alot of emotional intensity, ups, downs, intensity. That is something you got used to. Sometimes when we get used to something, it’s almost like we “crave” that emotional intensity for so long. It has a hold on us. There may have also not been closure with your ex, and you are missing certain aspects of that relationship, even though it was not healthy, it’s all you knew and in a way sort of exhilarating.

Fast forward to know, the anxiety is coming from being in a healthy, normal, stable relationship. There is no excitement, drama, emotions, intensity that you experienced in the past, and there is a part of you know that is craving it. Maybe try to create excitement in the relationship, but in a healthy way. Plan surprises. Go for a weekend getaway, do something together you have never done. When you get out of your routine, the magic can come back and bring back those “butterflies”. Surprise him with a bubble bath, go to a drive in..yes there are still some of them out there. Go to a laser light show to at a planetarium. Go for a romantic long drive at night, take a telescope and look at stars. Just the smallest things to get you “unstuck” and bring back the giddiness.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 5 months ago by Eliana.

Dear Sarah:

Reads to me like he is a very supportive person. I think that he is presenting to you a unique opportunity to work through your anxiety. If you do take his offer, that he will help you in any way that he can, the two of you will get closer to each other, not farther apart. See him as a friend, a man wanting to benefit you, to operate for your well-being, not against it.

Once the two of you get to know you better, the two of you will find a more loving and lovable person (you) than you imagined, and so, he will have more to love.

anita