Anxious Attachtment, Expectations, Art of Letting Go…

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    Hello. I will get into it right away.

    I met a guy at my work place two months back and I was brave enough to make a first move and he reciprocated well. Fast forward to now, we have hung out a few times, went on two dinner dates and had flirtatious conversations and have opened up tol each other about things. You would think I’d be content with all, but for some reason I am not.

    Deep down, I have this deep anxiety about feelings not being reciprocated because it is something I have experienced a numerous amount of times. So, now I am overanalyzing all the things this guy does/ does not do.  I asked him on this second dinner date, and we both said we want to see each other again, and he said that he knew where he wanted to take me. However, I felt sad since after our dinner date, we had a few pleasant text conversations, but then as the week went on he didn’t reach out to me and I assumed he stopped liking me and isn’t interested. Even this week we haven’t texted much, but when we see each other in person we have good conversations. When we saw each other he explained that he’s been very tired and overwhelmed and that he didn’t have much time for himself; I felt a little silly afterwards, since I was freaking out.

    My worries include: he’s losing interest and that if we don’t talk he’s gonna forget about me. I worry that he won’t ask me on that third date. I worry that if I don’t show interest he will move on. And so on. I tend to focus on all the things that didn’t happen (ex: we haven’t kissed yet, we don’t text all the time) instead of things that did happen (ex: we had great laughs, we opened up, we have common interests). This negative thinking makes me very sad.

    This stems for lack confidence, self esteem issues, and just in general being an overthinker. How do people release their expectations on others? How do people let go of a certain outcome? I look at people who have interest in someone, but also focus on their life and their interests without worrying every second what their main interest is thinking, in awe.

    I realize my thought patterns aren’t healthy, so I want to learn the art of letting go, of letting things be. I want to know that I bring amazing qualities to the table, and whether someone does or does not see those qualities does not reflect on who I am or determine my worth. What will be, will be, right?

    Pointers on how to gain a more confidence, let go of expectations, and knowing ones worth would be very much appreciated. Thank you:)

    • This topic was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by Sierra.

    Dear Sierra:

    What a delight to read from you again, three years and 6 days since you last posted, on Nov 18, 2018.

    My worries include: he’s losing interest and that if we don’t talk he’s gonna forget about me. I worry that he won’t ask me on that third date…I want to learn the art of letting go, of things be“-

    – art requires being calm enough to produce it, to not be gripped by fear. To let go of the fear that he is losing interest in you, that he will forget about you, that he will not ask you for a third date- you have to believe that you will be okay if he loses interest in you, if he forgets you and if he does not ask you for a third date. After all, if he forgets you, it doesn’t mean that you no longer exist, does it?



    Hello anita! Long time no see!

    I am working on calming myself actually. I’ve been incorporating more meditation in my routine and it honestly leaves me feeling more level headed.

    Haha that’s very true, i’ll still be here and living a full like, however i tend to forget that i was living fine without this person before.

    Ive maybe fallen for the idea of a relationship that i fixate on a goal that may or may not happen…



    Dear Sisi:

    Are you and Sierra the same member? If so, why different accounts?



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