This may sound self-absorbed and ridiculous to some but i can’t help how my mind is right now. I can’t talk to anybody about it either. I feel like I’m seriously spiralling down. I absolutely hate how I look. I was bullied as a child/teen by boys and was frequently told I was ugly, laughed at or humiliated about my looks. As I got older I learnt how to do make up and made myself a little prettier. I’ve had short relationships and for a while attracted a lot of male attention– whilst still feeling completely utterly ugly inside. They never lasted though and I always attributed the eventual ending to the fact I was ugly. In a way I’ve dated boys who have solely cared about my appearance and wanted me for my hot body.’ (I've been told i have a fairlyconventional’ skinny/busty body type.) Last year (aged 28) I had an accident and now I have a mild facial disfigurement and it’s all come flooding back. The other day I was on a training course and two of the course members (male, early twenties) were looking at me sniggering and whispering and it reminded me exactly of how I was bullied when I was younger. I’m pretty certain it was because of how I looked. I feel incredibly anxious in social situations and I’m starting to consider avoiding them entirely.

I literally feel like I can’t live with myself looking like this. I cannot accept myself. I didn’t when I was younger and I can’t now. I feel like I’m never going to find a real relationship and I can’t go through life with the bullying comments and looks and feeling completely socially unacceptable again. I have very low self esteem and it’s attributed to my appearance even though I’m doing a worthwhile career, i’m a decent friend and I’m somewhat intelligent. I don’t know what to do. Do I just accept that I’m never going to find a relationship because looks are a huge part of them? I already have social anxiety and i feel like it’s going to get worse.