Dated for a year and been broken up for almost a year. When he did, he expressed a lot of doubt and still does to this day. He cried too when we broke up. He was initiating a lot of contacts a few weeks/months later, wanting to see me and clear the air but I declined. I ended up responding to one of his messages once and for all about 2 months later. He replied to what I said and then said it has ‘been very difficult from his end. He felt it was the most appropriate thing was to break up, which has been really hard and he misses me all the time. But what’s the alternative?. He always reiterates that he is happy to catch up and would prefer to talk about things in person.

He then went on to say that it’s really difficult but he tries to leave me alone as he doesn’t quite know what to do as he doesn’t want to mess with me. I replied and said I hope one day we can be on friendlier terms but I understand if we don’t keep in touch. He then exted me saying he would definitely like to know how I am/how life is but he’s conscious of not lingering around and making things more difficult and he hopes everything is good and I’m happier now. That he of course feels the same but it’s just the nature of breakups.

I responded, in a kind way that we should probably not keep in contact as I still like him. He responded, apologized for how long it took him to get back to me and said he still likes me and cares about me but thinks probably not talking at the moment is the right thing. I responded and said that I didn’t want to seem sarcastic previously but wouldn’t the alternative be to work through our issues like an adult, I went onto say that we meshed well so maybe that’s why it’s been so hard and wished him well. He replied days later, apologising again. Said he would rather not get into this discussion over text and would much prefer in person, agreed that we meshed really well and we had a similar sense of humour. Said he hoped I had a good trip and then he hopes my university has been going well lately.

I said that maybe we can revisit it soon and talk in person and I felt the same regarding talking about this over text. We laughed about a few things like we used to and he then went onto ask when my exams are and a few other things.

So I reached out to him and told him that I don’t see the benefit in catching up unless he wants to date me again as I get the indication that he still wants the break up. He said he understood etc, but completely never answered that part. Whether that’s intentional or not. For example he could’ve said something like “yes, I still want the break up” but just says he understands. I said we should stop being in contact for real and for him to only contact me if he wants to be back together. He sort of turned it into a joke and asked about when I’m graduating. Was like ‘can you please clarify this curiosity’ and said he will abide by my wishes, I then stupidly kept the conversation going, he laughed at things I said and then we both said we might be going away somewhere around the same time to the same place, I said that I didn’t want to make it awkward for him so wanted to check the dates he’s going as he will be with his parents. He said it wouldn’t be awkward with a tongue emoji etc and that his mum would demand I come over for dinner (sweet but I felt like he intentionally said that). I wished him a happy birthday for this week, was slightly flirtatious and he responded well to it. I then asked the next day where his heart is in terms of us. He said he didn’t understand and thought I was referring to us going to that location and running into each other or something. I expressed to him that I found it a bit frustrating that he wouldn’t answer my question or give me any indication of the future. He said he was confused by the question and that I’m often unclear. I said I would speak to him the next day, I was also quite abrupt in my texts and he called me twice. I didn’t pick up and said I didn’t want to talk right now, he said ok and I didn’t respond. He messaged me the next day saying that he would leave me be as it seems that I keep getting upset that were still in contact but he just hates getting into anything substantial over text. I asked if he would like to speak at all, doesn’t have to be tonight and he asked if he would like me to call, I said yes. We had a really good chat, I said I don’t like to talk about anything substantial over text either and I wish we could just use text to organise catch ups. He said something along the lines of “Yes, but it doesn’t have to be for dates all the time” which I thought was interesting that he was referring to us (if we do catch up) as dates, semi positive I guess?, like he used to say, at the end he said it was really nice to hear my voice and that he’ll speak to me soon. I hate to say this but it felt like old times, giggling and laughing on the phone to each other. He told me that he rarely sees some of his old friends and just sticks to two that I know, said he wasn’t going to be doing anything for his birthday that week either. Both agreed we need to stop sending each other provoking, relationship-y messages over text too. 

Was a hard break-up, we admitted that we still like each other and that we miss each other all the time, and we both have mentioned to each other that if we ever did talk about our relationship again – it’s once we’ve moved on from the hurt, so I don’t think it’s a 100% final break up where you never want anything to do with them again. I think because I still to this day felt like we broke up over very odd things and he thought the grass was going to be greener. Sometimes the texts will stop and he’ll find a way to contact me weeks or even months later and it’s always about how he’s sorry about how things ended and just our relationship in general. He’ll never directly ask me how things are unless we speak on the phone. But his texts will be wrapped in ‘I hope you are truly happy and things are good’. The last time he reached out was to apologise, I sort of hinted that I was seeing someone and told him I missed certain things about our relationship and he stopped replying. Normally he would respond saying he misses those things too. He also said as he usually says, that he probably is one big idiot and dumb for the decision he made. I sent him a message about a week later explaining that since the breakup, he has done nothing; even as a friend if he valued our friendship, that he himself said he wanted communication but all he is willing to do is give me some apology over text. I said that he can text or call me in the future but do not be expecting to hear from me.

We have had a few hour-long phone conversations since the break up too.