So, I had a boyfriend for just barely over the four-month mark, and we both really, really liked each other. We were attentive, we spent a lot of time talking and laughing, and we had no… cares. We were all for each other. That took up about the first month and a half.

One day (early on), I decided to tell him about my past… all of it (I made many mistakes, battling depression and abusive relationships). I talked for hours and he listened, and he cared about what I was saying. He said he did not expect any of it, and that he would still be in this relationship wholeheartedly because he liked me so much. Our passion and admiration for each other was as strong as it ever could be.

However (yes, the story unfolds), as we kept dating, he would have these sporadic periods of just… worthlessness. He would get quiet and I would ask him what was bothering him, and 9 times out of 10, he would ask me a question about a past boyfriend I had. Do you know how I thought I could make him better?

I lied to him.

I made my past sound not-as-bad as it did, and I’d often forget that I lied, so when he asked me again, I’d give him a different answer. He’d realize what I’d done and feel so hurt, so misused. I always reassured him, and for a long time it went well… but I kept lying.

It soon got to the point where I would lie about everything, practically. I would make up these stories to cover up my lies, and I would often say things I didn’t mean– I called him fat and a bitch (on two separate occasions), not even meaning to. The misinterpretations!

True, I was fully aware of my words, but I didn’t harness the power of them, thus breaking down the shining walls of our once-so-elated relationship.
This went on for two months.

Now, the day after our fourth “anniversary”, we’ve broken up. We broke up! I was in denial, really… I told him he wasn’t leaving, and he spelled it out for me:
“I a-m b-r-e-a-k-i-n-g u-p w-i-t-h y-o-u.” (no, really, that’s what happened.)

Of course, me being selfish and afraid and lazy, I never really got up and did anything about our problems until it was far too late. It’s at the point where he tells me directly that he doesn’t want anything to do with me, and he told me that if I could just leave him alone he’d be fine for the day. I don’t blame him, because I have such a big ego that I would fight and fight and fight (when I was wrong, of course!), and, when the tables were turned at me, I’d play the blame game and try to get pity.

So, the burning, yearning question I have put off until now:
How can I tape back the ripped edges of our hearts? How can I make my motives known, and show him how I really feel? I never meant to do this to him, and I never wanted him to feel the way I make him feel. He is so sweet, and I want nothing more than to be with him. Why did I wait this long? Can I rekindle the flame that I blindly stomped out? If you were in this situation, would you forgive me? Would you take me back? I just want us to be the way we were, when I didn’t take him for granted.