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Back and forth relationship

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  • November 18, 2019 at 9:50 am #323435
    bad_pup
    Participant

    Hi Guys,

    Am a gay woman I have been in a relationship for three years now, though there are plenty of differences between my partner and me, we have a stable healthy relationship. we both respect each other space. she lives in a different town. Now after telling her parents, there is a lot of pressure from her parents to break this off and get married to guy. It is the same on my side. recently she wanted to be alone and think what she really wanted. it was very hard for me but I let her have it also it would give me time to think.

    It has been very hard, she came back last week saying she is missing me. but still we are not back together. we spent good time and after she goes back she said she doesnt want to talk for a week.

    I dont understand this back and forth. I dont know what to do. she says she like me but cant decide . It is emotionally painful for me to do this.

    please offer any suggestions or ideas.

     

    November 18, 2019 at 10:26 am #323451
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear bad_pup:

    If she lives with her parents, I can understand how difficult it is for her to live under “a lot of pressure.. to break this off and get married to (a) guy”. If she lives close to her parents and sees them often, their pressure is enough to make her life very stressful. Reads like her parents are being at least part successful in their aggressive efforts to cause her to break up with you.

    Maybe your parents don’t pressure you as aggressively, or you are not living with them?

    I don’t know your approximate ages, whether the two of you are employed and able to live independently from your respective parents, I don’t know where in the world you live- how homophobic or supportive society is, where you live. If you’d like to share, please do, and I may be able to “offer any suggestions or ideas” to you.

    anita

     

    November 22, 2019 at 11:47 am #324069
    bad_pup
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Thanks a lot for your reply.

    We are both outside our home countries which is a bit homophobic. we each have our careers here. She is quite a bit older than me. 6 years to be exact.

    I feel like am going thorugh a greiving process. I am not able to focus on anything. I feel am being put in this unfairly.

    What to do.?

    Thank you.

    November 22, 2019 at 12:29 pm #324075
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear bad_pup:

    You are welcome. I think that the only reasonable thing for you to do it to give up on her. Her behavior and her parents’ pressure on her are very discouraging to the prospect of your relationship with her, it doesn’t look good. She has been very conflicted for a while, and looks like she is moving toward ending the relationship.

    I mentioned financial independence earlier. I figure that if she is financially dependent on her parents, and her parents are pressuring her to end her same sex relationship with you, then she is likely to do just that, end the relationship with you. If she was financially independent or could depend on you, then there would be more of a chance that she will resist her parents’ pressure and make a life with you.

    anita

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