Carlos,

This is a time of healing and getting to know your desires. I can appreciate wanting to “sort it all out” right away, and that happens often during periods where we are grieving. Consider that you’ve been through a period of self sacrifice that has left you somewhat bewildered. You ask big questions, with impossible answers. To solve the dilemma, consider stepping slowly, courageously with each step. Become mindful of what you like, and try to stay in the present.

Rather than trying to plot out your destiny, give yourself some time to grieve. For instance, sometimes when we are in pain, we seek to escape, so we begin to dream. Field work may be very appealing to you in this moment, because it symbolizes freedom and movement and exploration. However, as you begin to explore yourself, and find your inner freedom, field work might seem less “needed for happiness”. Or, your needing to create a family might reveal a need to self nurture, to find home. Once you get in the habit of self nurturing, and your heart heals, you might find that you are already home, and the need for a family might evaporate.

This is why its better to save big decisions for after we finish grieving. Our emotions and needs muddle our vision and inspire us in directions that end up illusory. That’s not to say that you won’t want both, but that sorting it out now doesn’t seem like good timing. Its pulling your mind to the future… but here and now is where your heart needs you. Consider being patient, nurturing to yourself, and come to know yourself in the small ways. Then the big ways just make sense, and work out as we take our small, moment to moment steps toward joy.

With warmth,
Matt