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Bereavement

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Susannah 4 months ago.

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  • #149953

    Hailey
    Participant

    Hi all!

    Ive been with my boyfriend for four years almost. We had plans to move in together last year and things were progressing well. Then he suffered a bereavement at the end of last year. It was a very hard time for all of us. Moving out has been put on hold and he is struggling to cope as it was a parent who died.

    I’m finding it hard to accept that our relationship is not moving forward the way I wanted it to.

    I just wanted to chat to someone who has also experienced this kind of set back and how they coped?

     

    Thanks 🙂

    #150113

    Craig
    Participant

    Hi Hailey,

    I have not experienced this particular setback, but certainly have had many experiences where my partner and I were not at the place I’d hoped for.

    Would you share more about how it’s hard for your to accept that your relationship isn’t moving forward as you’d wanted?

    Craig

    #150129

    Susannah
    Participant

    Dear Hailey,

     

    sorry to hear about the situation. I have no experience of such a situation, but hopefully I can say something that will help you.

     

    It seems that the loss of a close person  (which has nothing to do whether the person was a family member or not) has an immense impact on your boyfriend. Maybe for the first time in his life he has really begun to think about the meaning of life and relationships.  His loss has made him realize that nothing is forever and that is what makes everything very valuable and fragile.

     

    The last thing he needs right now is any pressure. If you tell him “but we had plans about moving together” is like a child complaining “I want to have my candy right now.” (Sorry to sound harsh.) You never know what kind of surprises life will bring and that is why you need to be able to adjust.

     

    He needs your comforting, understanding and care. There are no rules how long it takes anyone to get back to normal after such a loss – even though things will never be the same again. If the person feels that he is accepted and loved the way he is right now, it may speed the process.

     

    Why the hurry? If you share a special connection, it should be no problem to wait for a while to continue with the plans which were made before the dramatic loss. In this situation he needs to FEEL your love so that he can be sure that he – at some point – wants to take the next step with you, having a home together with you. It is said that home is where the heart is and you can have it right here and right now in these circumstances – the rest is just walls and floors, which is secondary.

     

    #150261

    rainbowcloud
    Participant

    Hi Hailey,

    I can imagine how emotionally draining it must be when after such a big decision one makes in a relationship, you feel its not leading you anywhere soon. But I can say that all you need to do at this juncture is have loads of patience and understanding. If your partner is a sensetive and an emotional person , it must be more difficult for him to cope with the bereavement of his parent. I know when it happened to me..when I had lost my father to a sudden illness..it changed the course of my life..it changed me from within. Life suddenly halted and changed its meaning..atleast for sometime untill I could gather myself back again.

    Am sure the pace with which  you are expecting him to move ahead with you in the relationship is not going to pick the speed unless he is healed at heart. Its just a matter of time..I believe. And, if you stand strong and close throughout with your support, am sure you would have more loving HIM and more loving relationship ahead..

    Cheers!!

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