Hello Anita! (and anyone else that replies)

I don’t really know how to bring it up to be honest…

I should explain that she works two jobs and goes to school, so she has a lot going on right now. I always liked her, but I thought she was out of my league so I kept my distance. She initiated things and invited me out as a group with our other coworkers. I got her phone number. I later invited her to the movies. She ditched. She invited me to see another movie to make up for it, we went. I told her I wanted to go to California, she said she wanted to go and we should go together. We planned a trip together for later this year but haven’t gone yet.

She invited me to dinner, the topic came up that I liked her, she said she didn’t like me that way. I said okay and left it alone.

I left her alone for a long time, then slowly we started texting more and things got deeper… At least, for me. That’s when I fell for her.

She isn’t one to dance around words or sugar coat things, she is like a sassy untamed lion, but she is also funny and kind. If she doesn’t like something or doesn’t want to do something she’ll let you know in the most blunt way possible. At least… that’s NORMALLY how she is.

As for her past relationships and family, we dove pretty deep into our past on valentines day and she told me about her last boyfriend. He had a pretty serious drug addiction, was a alcoholic, lied a lot, then cheated on her and got another woman pregnant. They were together for 2 years when she found out about the baby. She said they were really serious. She told me she had enough and that’s what led to the breakup. We literally talked all day. I was shocked she opened up the way she did. My previous relationship was a disaster and was similar to her own with the way it ended.

We started talking about work, I told her that I didn’t really like one of our coworkers that she was close friends with, but pretended to to keep the peace at work.

She said “OMG, I didn’t know! You probably don’t even like me!”
I replied “I told you that I like you.”
She went on to say that she didn’t think I was serious, but at least the elephant was addressed.
She told me “You can’t force love, it has to develop naturally over time. Don’t rush it.”

I agreed.

She neither confirmed nor denied if her feelings had since changed.

She has quite a few guys currently chasing her but keeps them at an equal distance or just cuts them off completely because she says they aren’t what she is looking for. One she was getting pretty close to, it made me panic…

Then she told me she was going to cut him off too because he was too immature and sent me a pic of their conversation. I asked her what she was looking for and she said “I don’t know yet, I’ll know it when I see it. But I’m not tied down to anyone so I’m currently single.” I thought she was hinting that she was still available and not moving forward with anyone else. Maybe I read it wrong?

But… I tried to move on anyways and unfriended her on Facebook. She texted and asked me why I unfriended her, I told her it was because we don’t talk as much. I told her that she was always making lame excuses to not hang out and bailing at the last minute, I then flat out asked if she just didn’t want to hang out.

She said “No, I really was just busy and had a lot going on. I’m just one person and sometimes I get tired and don’t feel like doing things. I think you’re overthinking it, its not that deep.”

That response confused me. If she thinks I’m overthinking it and she really is just busy, then do I just need to be patient because she has too much going on right now? Or…. do I leave her alone and go for someone that MAKES time for me?

What am I overthinking? lol.

To be honest, I didn’t think she would even notice I unfriended her because we had stopped talking for awhile and she said she didn’t like me that way. I never added her back, but we actually started talking more directly through text after Valentines. I since got another job so we don’t see each other as much in person, which is why I’ve been trying to schedule events so we can hang out.

Thus my confusion.  I think if we had met purely online I would have gave up on her… but working closely with her for several days over the course of 9 months allowed me to see another side of her.  We worked really well together and things were easy. She always makes everyone in the building laugh and often times I would walk into the room and she would burst into a big smile and say “We were just talking about you”, but would never say about what.

Half of my friends tell me I should leave her alone, the others say I should be more aggressive because I won’t find another girl quite like her. Internet says that I shouldn’t have to chase her this hard to win her over, that if it was meant to be she would make a move and things would be clear… but…

Almost everything that I have now that’s worth having I’ve had to fight for it… like, REALLY hard. Is love the same way?

As I said before, she is the first person I’ve felt this way about since my last breakup 2 years ago.

Now I’m stuck in the middle trying to figure out what to do. If I move on, I don’t have anyone else that is a current interest.

*Sigh*

I’ll try to talk to her again and see how things go, I just don’t know how to bring it up without corning her and forcing the topic.

Sorry for the long post… I don’t have too many people to talk to about this in real life. I guess I just needed a place to vent. :/

Hey Patrick,

The problem is, I don’t have too many friends left. A few years ago some things happened behind my back with my ex, they all knew about it, there was a lot of drama when I found out, I confronted them about it but most of them didn’t see the problem with it, so I cut ties and moved on because they weren’t real friends anyway. Most didn’t even try to get back in touch with me…

I’ve been trying to rebuild friendships, but doing so as an adult is so much harder. As a kid you walk up and say “Hey, wanna play?” and you can make a new friend for life. As an adult… not so much…

I’ve been trying to schedule events to hangout with co-workers, including the girl I’ve fallen for, but everyone is always so busy or makes excuses for why they don’t want to go out, leaving me to do things on my own.

So I’ll have to find another way to distract myself. I tried talking to the girl last night but she seemed standoffish and didn’t really reply to my messages… well… she did, but it was a simple “I’ll ask the others when I see them” and the other was a simple “lol”. So the way we talk has become basic and boring, its no longer a two way conversation.

At this point, talking about how I feel or trying to learn more about her just doesn’t seem beneficial if she clearly doesn’t want to text back or hangout anymore… Maybe I’ll just avoid talking about things and try to leave her alone (easier said than done…).

I’ve been talking to another girl, cute red head, jolly personality, nice body, very fit and works out a lot… but, I’m not really interested in her and she has a 9 month old kid. I don’t really like dating women with kids, I don’t like the idea of raising someone else’s kid and the extra responsibility. But now that I’m getting older it seems like EVERYONE has kids now. *sigh*

I might just have to bite the bullet and try to cut the first girl off cold turkey until I get over her, then settle for dating someone with kids.  Ugh… Life isn’t very fun right now. 🙁

My Horoscope for the day is scarily accurate-

“A friend or lover might seem a bit reserved today, leaving you to wonder why there’s an emotional gulf between you. However, you’re not sure that direct confrontation is a viable strategy for healing now. Instead of sharing your concerns, it feels safer to just put your energy into busy work around the home. Although this tactic is great for productivity, the underlying uneasiness wont go away until it is addressed. Life coach Tony Gaskins said, Communication to a relationship is like oxygen to life. Without it, it dies.”