So i’ve been beating myself up about something I did over a year ago. The guilt and self recrimination plays over and over again. To provide some background, I’ve been with my gf about 2 and a half years. About a year into the relationship I went abroad for 3 months. During that time we weren’t that close and I was thinking about breaking up, in order to stay abroad longer. Two weeks before I was to return home, I ended up getting really drunk on a night out, and in a stupidly drunken state I decided to spend the night with a girl I’d met. I guess it was what I wanted to do at that point; I was drunk and horny and felt so far from home and everything back there. I was thinking without any consideration for the person I was betraying.

Afterwards I felt bad about it, but attempted to rationalise it away, assuring myself that i’d never do such a thing again; that it was a complete mistake etc. I didn’t disclose what i’d done to anyone and came back home. The relationship picked up gradually and over the course of last year we got much much closer. Over the last few months i’ve become more and more distressed. I feel I care much more for the relationship and realise the extent of what i’ll give up on if the relationship ends. I replay what I did again and again, and wish so much I could undo it. It feels like a blemish on the relationship, and a stain on my psyche. I don’t feel authentic because i’m not being completely honest. I cant escape that self condemnatory part of myself.

I’ve spoken to some friends and family about this and they’ve said that it sounds like it was a one off drunken mistake and by the sounds of i’ve learnt from what i’ve done. They say i’ve crucified myself so much over a small drunken incident. This doesn’t feel sufficient to me.

Any advice or perspective is appreciated.