Home→Forums→Tough Times→Bipolar Mother Picking on Me
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Jennifer.
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February 13, 2017 at 9:00 am #127393
Ginger PersaudParticipantI am a 33 year old mom of 2, my children are 2 and 4 years old. I live with my mother father brother husband and 2 children. I am in the process of trying to buy my own house. my mother is bipolar and has been for years. she is not taking medications, she stopped taking meds years ago.. she is not in therapy. I pay rent at home and support the family a lot financially. my mother has episodes and always takes it out on me. when I go out in particular my mother gets extremely angry. my children are w/ their dad but she still gets upset, she never wants me to go out w/ friend or family. just yesterday she told me she hates me wishes I wasn’t her daughter or never born she went on to call me a bitch and a cunt several times. this abuse began when I got married 6 years ago. her and my father no long have a relationship, they have not had one in over 10 years however; they live together. help!
February 13, 2017 at 9:05 am #127397Ginger PersaudParticipantin addition; my husband is so frustrated, I am literally afraid to go out because she blows up at me every single time.. otherwise she’s nice to me, she babysits my two children while I am at work, she cooks for me, she helps the kids w/ homework and will be fine.. anytime she has a trigger in her head its directed towards me, one of her triggers is when I go out w/ friends or family to dinner/ a movie/ anything at all she saying I am a terrible mom I don’t deserve my children I am a piece of shit, moms don’t go out, I go out too much.. its so hard I cannot wait to get my own place. she picks on my brother maybe 1 time a year however my brother picks on her very often, seems he has the same disease and they’re both home, my bro does not work; I believe she truly hates me, the sound of my voice cause her to break things in her room last night.. her episodes normally last 3-4 days then shes’ normal and nice again
February 13, 2017 at 9:26 am #127407
AnonymousGuestDear ginger263:
Clearly, you should move out as soon as possible, yesterday, if it was possible! You clearly need to NOT live with your mother, to not have her in your life or in your children’s lives.
The damage she is doing to you, and to your children (directly to them or indirectly, by harming their mother) cannot be undone by periods of her being “normal and nice again.”
She is “normal and nice again” after her abusive behavior toward you because being abusive toward you relieves her distress, making her feel better, well enough to be… normal and nice-
until the next time she needs relief, her distress will build again, and a relief will be needed again- you are that place of relief, for her.
I hope you make your life about your children’s well being, your own well being- and not about a way for your mother to relieve herself from her distress.
anita
February 13, 2017 at 10:14 am #127427AnonymousGuest* My reply didn’t get recoded…
February 13, 2017 at 11:25 am #127443Ginger PersaudParticipantthank you for your reply.. I am trying my best to get out right now. My husband I were just approved for an FHA loan and we are in the process of house hunting, however these things take quite some time especially living in NEW YORK. my mother is the one currently watching my 2 year old son and my daughter when she comes home from school. I know I have to leave.. I have to get my own home for my children. My daughter is 4 years old and said yesterday after my mom blew my head off: this house can never be happy! it disturbed me. My mother was a good mom until I got married when I was 27, soon after choose me as her scapegoat rather than my father.. my dad is not like that at all, he’s very laid back and relaxed but does drink a lot on the weekends … I just wish I knew for sure if she actually hates me because it sure feels that way.. it’s like walking on egg shells with her, I know she has a disease but I feel like some of it is just simply HER!
February 13, 2017 at 11:33 am #127445AnonymousGuestDear ginger263:
Your mother’s actions toward you- and in so doing, toward your children, who at the least are witnesses- are hateful, unloving; aggressive, harmful. Is it “the disease” or her- sure she wasn’t born hateful, she became hateful, and now she is. Does she “actually hates (you)”- yes, when she expresses hate toward you, calling you names etc., she is actually hateful. Absolutely.
anita
February 13, 2017 at 11:51 am #127447Ginger PersaudParticipantgeez.. don’t know then, I am moving this year, but its still hard for me to process how and when my mother began to dislike me so much.. she was a stay at home mom and I had an excellent childhood; I know she needs to be medicated but that’s not going to happen. once I’m gone I’m gone but I still will keep these memories with me of the mean things she’s said to me, not to mention when I just had my son she physically attacked me after having a C-section she kicked me in my stomach 1st time she’s ever hit me in my entire life. i’ll never forget that or when she flat out told me she hates me wishes I were never born and called me a cunt bitch! I hope on her death bed she remembers it too.. if not i’ll remind her, maybe then she will be sorry! its hard for me, I don’t know how I finished college, got a full time job, great friends & cousins who support me, a great husband and two smart beautiful children! guess I’m lucky in a lot of ways..
February 13, 2017 at 11:57 am #127449AnonymousGuestDear ginger263:
Have her out of your life and your children’s- and your husband’s- lives as soon as possible. There is no way to make her behavior okay- not in remembering how she used to behave or how she may behave one day. It (her behavior) is hateful NOW and has been for a while, that is all the reason and motivation for … a reasonable person to end all such harmful contribution into one’s life.
anita
February 13, 2017 at 12:21 pm #127467Ginger PersaudParticipantas I said in my other blog, I wont’ just dismiss my mother out of my life like she doesn’t exist. she does in fact suffer from a mental illness, is she harsh and toxic yes… no argument here, but the world as I said has many many people in it with mental illnesses and I work in a hospital with children who suffer from mental illnesses and it’s not right to abandon anyone just like that.. take steps back yes, pull away a little yes, but trash the person like yesterdays garbage no.. I’m sorry that’s not how it works Anita, people should not be dismissed like a day of school..
February 13, 2017 at 6:23 pm #127491AnonymousGuestDear ginger263:
Your life, your mother- you choose. As always, my input here is for the reader to consider or not, accept or reject.
anita
April 26, 2017 at 11:14 pm #146919
JenniferParticipantHi, it’s me again.. last night while I was in bed thinking about your situation I remembered a friend who had clinical depression like, used an advice site to help her and she did get better, believe it or not. I think it was betterhelp..? hold on let me search for the link somewhere..
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