Home→Forums→Tough Times→Boyfriend cheated and moved on with his "best friend"
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Mouli.
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February 26, 2017 at 3:24 pm #129581
MouliParticipantHi, my ex-boyfriend left me for his “best friend” (who also works with him) that his other best friends wanted him to be with. This left me (and anyone else who knew us) baffled and shocked.
We had a great understanding – emotionally. intellectually and physically. We both were always busy, he has a demanding job, I have my studies, we met once a week which was never an issue.
A few of his best friends created constant nuisance, even though they stay abroad. Repeated problems kind of created a distance b/w us, we stopped talking about our daily life, which when I realized tried to mend, but he wasn’t interested. Then I got to know they want him to be with this girl who he is currently with.
I asked him a number of times whether there is anything going on b/w them, he went on denying saying she is with someone else and that he never had that much in common with her. They were going out to shop or some other places with friends for the last few months, sometimes he never even bothered to tell me. But I always overlooked it because being skeptical and clingy is not my forte, more so because I trusted him more than I trusted my instincts. In the last one month or so things spiralled downhill and started getting tensed.
Until recently, when he stopped talking or taking any initiative to communicate with me then I had to make him admit that something is wrong in the relationship, I sought help from one of his friends who put the thought of breaking up into his head and after that he became totally desperate to break up with me.
He didn’t even give me a reason at first, after that he came up with all crappy reasons which we could have worked out perfectly fine. Then he started telling me that he doesn’t feel the same way for me, that he has changed, has moved on and knows we do not have a future together (he is the one who used to dream of one even a month back); and also that he can not talk about his professional stuff with me even though we survived through his final MB and Medical Internship days together (almost, just another month left to it). A few days later this came to light, and he admitted he had feelings for her a few months back, but he tried to squash it without telling no one about it. But of course he nurtured it.
I have decide to stop talking with him.
Will he ever come back? How do I get over?February 26, 2017 at 7:24 pm #129599
AnonymousGuestDear moulib:
You wrote: “Repeated problems kind of created a distance b/w us, we stopped talking about our daily life”- that was before he got together with the other woman, isn’t it?
What was the nature of those “repeated problems”?
You wrote later: “In the last one month or so things spiralled downhill”- what things spiraled downhill and how?
It reads to me (so far, without answers to my questions above) that you and him had problems before he started a relationship with another woman. I don’t think his friends “put the thought of breaking up into his head”- I think he told his friends about the problems he had with you, the distress he was experiencing in his relationship with you, and they, being his friends, tried to help him end that distress by breaking up with you and getting together with someone else.
Do you think this is possibly what happened?
anita
February 26, 2017 at 9:20 pm #129621MouliParticipantHi Anita
Two of his best friends never liked me, because they always wanted to meet me when me started dating. But it never happen because I am an introvert and our schedule never matched, until they went away. When I had to plead to her to meet me. But she wasn’t done with that, the day they went away she wrote me a long hate speech. And never apologised.
Recently they wanted to bring chocolates for me, I denied because an apology was far more important to me. And because we never talked. She created a huge scene out of it, including demonstrating to my ex how she hates me. Things started heating up. A month later, I got to know that they never wanted me to be with him but they wanted him to be with the girl he is currently with. I tried to make him understand that his friends actually said that but he went into denial. I asked him if there is/anything is possible between him and her, he kept on denying. But things were just not the same again.
Right after that, his those two friends came to the country, and because he was always dividing his time between his friends and work, I stared feeling ignored, avoided. I started going aloof, so did he. But then I decided to bounce back, but he was just not the same, and there was something missing. Around that time, a little over a month back he gave me a letter (we used to write each other letters) where he talked about our life and aspirations, that prevented me from even bothering to ask him if anything is wrong. Until a couple of weeks back.
Mouli
February 26, 2017 at 9:31 pm #129623MouliParticipantNot just me, another one his best friends who also works with them and the one I was friendly with also apparently had no idea about what was going on between my ex and his current. Even though all of them mostly hanged out together.
We were always able to work things out, when we started addressing the issue the communication gap became more evident. I asked him, if there’s anything else he wants to tell me, he didn’t. We tried to work it out for a few days but I quickly realised it wasn’t working, and he became desperate to break up – initially he didn’t give a reason, which seemed weird, the he came up with all crappy reasons, in between I asked him a thousand times about him and her, he just denied. Until yesterday, when a friend of mine found something related posted in facebook. This time I couldn’t help but burst out, because we literally broke up a week ago and he never had the gut to tell me the truth.
Never in my worst dream I imagined something like this will happen.
February 27, 2017 at 6:46 am #130593
JahrinParticipantHi Moulib,
from reading your posts, I can see that your ex seemed to be able to spend more time (more than once a week) with this other girl, and if his other friend still has negative feelings towards you then your ex might be being persuaded to be with the other girl.
There also seemed to be a clash of egos between your ex’s friend that wrote you a hate letter and yourself, the issue seemed to stem from a mere lack of not having a proper introduction which doesn’t seem to warrant a hate letter.Either way, your ex doesn’t seem to know what is best for him but rather the friends he is close to seem to know what is best for him, unfortunately. From the outside looking in you seem to be out of a relationship that brought you problems or ill feelings and if you ex has made up his mind then you moving on and embracing your own life and not chasing after him would be the best action. Leave your ex to find out if his new relationship is actually what he desired, as he and not his friends will need to be involved in it from day to day.
Relationships can be difficult and bad things like this happen to people everywhere, but it is important for you to remember that as bad as it seems now and losing someone you thought you could trust, is only bad because of all the negative and sorrowful feelings that a situation like this brings about, you will get past this once the shock of the situation passes. You need to look after yourself, motivate yourself to move forward as that is what you want, when you have moved on and the negativity that clouds your mind reduces you will have realized that situation and learned from it. Give it time but let go of the feelings of sorrow and loss.NJ
February 27, 2017 at 8:39 am #130625AnonymousGuestDear Mouli:
You wrote that meeting your ex boyfriend’s friends “never happen because I am an introvert and our schedule never matched”- if the schedule didn’t match, how is it relevant that you are an introvert? Reads to me like you didn’t want to meet with them. Later his friends wanted to give you chocolate but you “denied because an apology was far more important to me. And because we never talked”- but you never talked because you chose not to meet them. When they reached out to you, you rejected them.
I tend to think that your ex boyfriend made up his own mind about getting together with his new girlfriend. I doubt his friends put the idea into his mind or dragged him to interact with her.
Further, it reads to me that you were quite possessive of your ex boyfriend, not wanting him to spend time with his friends when they visited him from the other country.
anita
March 25, 2017 at 10:29 pm #142139MouliParticipantWell Anita,
I also wrote “I had to plead her to meet me”, I think you missed that part. We met a couple of times, I tried being nice to her, but she was never responsive. I tried making things right even after the hate speech – she was not interested at all. I even apologised for not being able to meet them earlier, even though she went on cancelling the plans for the longest time – and she went on to tell people that, I never meant any of the sorries I said.
YES, an apology was far important to me than a box of chocolates, for what she said to me and about me, to so many people.
NO, I was not possessive about him, if I was, I would have tried stopping his interaction with the girl he is currently with, long ago. I did not. Try reading the original post.
When his friends came over, he was spending his every free second with them. I never stopped him. That’s when the major communication gap happened.
But anyway, I have moved on. People around him, his friends from college got to know about this only recently and all of them are mostly shocked. From what I have heard, and seen, I hope turns out well for them.
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