Boyfriend doesn't care what he looks like

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This topic has 6 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 11 months ago by Isabelle.

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December 6, 2016 at 4:45 pm #122074

Katlyn
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We have been together for almost three years now. I love him so much and want to spend my life with him but he has some things that I just wish he wouldn’t do. For example, he never wears anything other than t-shirts and gym shorts/pants (he thinks that jeans is dressing up). I have told him that I would appreciate it if he dressed nicer on a daily basis but he just refuses to wear anything else because “it doesn’t matter what he looks like”. When he does dress up for special occasions I always tell him how nice he looks and say he should dress nicer more often, but nothing ever comes out of it. I guess it makes me upset because I actually make an effort to look nice for him because I know he appreciates it. I think he has a weak view of his self because hes tall and lanky and still has acne (this doesn’t bother me, he had it when we started dating). But instead of doing anything like taking his prescribed medicine or tying different products, he just complains. I just don’t know what to do, how do I make him feel better about his self and take some pride in what he look like.
I feel that if I ask him to change I’m not being a good spouse. Is this the case? I know these things are not really that important for a relationship but I am a professional woman and having a well groomed spouse is apart of my appearance as well.

December 6, 2016 at 6:48 pm #122083

Anonymous
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Dear reynoldskt:

If having a well groomed spouse supports your professional career- then let him know you are likely to earn more money if he dresses nicer and treats his acne. Take out the nice clothes he has, or shop for some, and place them in a clear area in the closet for the purpose of those professional occasions. This is about your career, earning power and that is something I hope he is motivated to support (It is beneficial for him after all).

Regarding his acne and clothes outside your professional needs, before going out, take out what you would like him to wear and ask him right before he is about to get dressed to wear those. Make it a right-here-and-now option for him: here is this shirt, please wear it? Here are these pants, please wear them?

Make sure the nice clothes are comfortable for him, that they FEEL comfortable, nothing that feels itchy to him or …”just doesn’t feel right”. If it is comfortable, like his jeans and shorts, he is more likely to wear them. Also, nothing too fancy, just nicer. Maybe you can gradually work on getting fancier, one step at a time.

Same with the acne treatments, place it in front of him, right by his toothbrush so it is available to him as he brushes his teeth.

anita

December 6, 2016 at 7:22 pm #122091

Katlyn
Participant

thanks anita but regarding his ace treatments. They are actually right beside his toothbrush and he’s just too stubborn to take them… I guess I picked the perfect one for me right? lol Thanks for the other advice though 🙂

December 6, 2016 at 7:28 pm #122094

Anonymous
Guest

You are welcome, reynoldskt. Right beside his toothbrush, huh? Maybe tape it to the mirror in the bathroom (a bit humor may do it for him?)
anita

December 6, 2016 at 7:38 pm #122097

Nina Sakura
Participant

Dear Reynolds,

This is all fine but I only have one point to add here – there is nothing wrong with him being who he is – a simple man. Don’t take it as a reflection of his feelings for you.

You may dress nicely for him. That’s your personal style of showing affection but his is different.

He has accepted your traits, you need to be more accepting of his as well which is that he makes efforts to dress up only if the occasion really demands it. He had his acne before when you met, you had the career even when u just met, why all these creams and clothes now?

Learn to be more accepting of your partners basic nature and don’t take it so personally if he remains simple. When he is ready, he will change but I don’t think it’s a good idea to push him for your sake. Pass him a cream or two sometimes but don’t make this a makeover project, we all aren’t 14 year olds anymore.

Regards,
Nina

December 6, 2016 at 7:47 pm #122100

XenopusTex
Participant

I don’t know if you’ll make more from your SO dressing better or not. My boss married a guy who does construction… I don’t think that affected her (personal) income much if any. Of course, he is/was good at what he does/did, so he made a decent amount of money from his business. I don’t think he owns a single suit.

If it really bothers you that much, could always just flush the relationship and move on. If after three years you haven’t convinced him, highly unlikely that he will have an epiphany any time soon.

Can’t imagine why he wouldn’t want to treat the acne issue. I had acne problems, not fun to put up with.

December 7, 2016 at 7:49 pm #122225

Isabelle
Participant

What should really matter is that he treats you well and loves you the way you are. If that is the case then you should do the same unconditionally. I am also a married professional woman and do not think you should let appearances and the superficiality of the professional world get in the way of your relationship or how you view him. If something happened and you lost your job tomorrow HE is the one that will be there for you not your colleagues in the professional world that you want to keep up appearances for. Imagine having it the other way around someone who is always well groomed with a great appearance but treats you badly.
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