Dear KatiMo:

It is impossible to experience emotional closeness with a severely depressed person. The depressed person is closed, not open, so when you try to get close to him, you get rejected. Because he doesn’t have it in him to open up to you.

If you were very motivated to stay in a relationship with him, the thing to have done was to let him be the way he is, to not try to get close to him, to not demand closeness, and recommend to him to see a doctor, or a new doctor maybe (to maybe decide on a different anti-depressant, or the same that he took before, but a different dosage), and/ or start psychotherapy, and see if over time he feels better and opens up to you again.

Not everyone is capable of being patient with a depressed person, to give up on closeness for a while (a while possibly being a long time). It takes a certain strength to do that.

Do you want to share more about your confusion (“I am totally confused”)?

anita

KatiMo:

My suggestion is to run for the hills unless this person is willing to get ongoing therapy.  My heart goes out to anyone dealing with depression, but my heart goes out even more to that person’s loved ones.  I do not blame the depressed person for his or her actions; something else inside their mind is talking, but understand dealing with that person will be all-consuming, demoralizing and heartbreaking.  Leaving may well be the hardest thing you ever do, but you have to establish boundaries this person will meet.