February 11, 2020 at 8:32 am #337562
This is the first time I am posting. A week ago I got into an argument with my boyfriend about him being distant and isolating me. He has been suffering from depression and recently stopped taking his antidepressants and then started taking them again.
Ever since he stopped the antidepressants ,without letting anyone know, he had been distant and not being present in the relationship. I tried to reach out and be there for him. This just seemed to lead to me feeling more rejected and isolated.
After the argument he decided that he couldn’t deal with being in a relationship and be present. He said he needs to work on himself and can’t do that while being in a relationship
I felt that I couldn’t convince him otherwise and said I would let him be. We haven’t spoken since then and I am truly heartbroken.
I want to reach out to him and work things out but I feel I should let him be and move on with my life. I am totally confused.February 11, 2020 at 9:37 am #337636
It is impossible to experience emotional closeness with a severely depressed person. The depressed person is closed, not open, so when you try to get close to him, you get rejected. Because he doesn’t have it in him to open up to you.
If you were very motivated to stay in a relationship with him, the thing to have done was to let him be the way he is, to not try to get close to him, to not demand closeness, and recommend to him to see a doctor, or a new doctor maybe (to maybe decide on a different anti-depressant, or the same that he took before, but a different dosage), and/ or start psychotherapy, and see if over time he feels better and opens up to you again.
Not everyone is capable of being patient with a depressed person, to give up on closeness for a while (a while possibly being a long time). It takes a certain strength to do that.
Do you want to share more about your confusion (“I am totally confused”)?
anitaFebruary 15, 2020 at 12:29 pm #338450
I am not sure from how many years you guys are in a relationship, but for sure you knew him for quite some time. Sometimes a depressed person needs emotional support and sometimes they want to be lonely as you know him from a long time maybe you need to figure out and act upon it if he comes back or when you get a chance to talk to him.
If you feel your life will be happy and you cant replace anyone with him in your entire life never give up on him. Try to talk and ask him how much time he needs, support him in this period and see if things get better.
RajMarch 21, 2020 at 4:05 pm #344518
My suggestion is to run for the hills unless this person is willing to get ongoing therapy. My heart goes out to anyone dealing with depression, but my heart goes out even more to that person’s loved ones. I do not blame the depressed person for his or her actions; something else inside their mind is talking, but understand dealing with that person will be all-consuming, demoralizing and heartbreaking. Leaving may well be the hardest thing you ever do, but you have to establish boundaries this person will meet.