…continuation..

I tried contacting him once through email- did not respond, and one more time through another account just normal greetings… but dint not respond and blocked also, feels like he is showing anger. I know I am overthinking in every aspect. But this is really confusing why he has not married her for all these months, but haven’t broken the engagement also and is avoiding talking to me also. How come also girl’s side don’t talk about marriage. Kindly help.

Dear Swati:

You wrote above that he “shows his love indirectly on social media”- can you explain to me what you mean: how specifically is he showing his love to you through social media or otherwise?

anita

The main question is why they have not married yet and no communication between them after engagement

Yes, I know right now we are not in close relationship, that’s obvious. But there are some other things that is making me think there is something serious. Anyways, thanks for your help.

Hi dear,

I am also facing just like same problem but here instead of boyfriend… My girlfriend had forcefully get married to other guy. We boths love each other too much. Our understanding are too good. We both was wanted to live with each other.

But our family members are not agreed for this and her father forced him to marriage. Now we both are feeling so painful for each other. She doesn’t want to leave me and me also want to be with her.

The main problem was we are from same village but we do not live there. We go there occasionally. She is living other city and me in other city. I called her father brother. And I am her uncle according to village relationship. Our both family’s had very close relationship. But now all things are changed.

Due to society and so “called log” our family is so much reacted on this, when we tell these all about us. And her father has a dominant nature so he has frightened her about me to kill me and all that nonsense. So she is agree for the marriage. And this all happened so quickly they haven’t gave us so much time to understand that what is going on with us and they fixed the marriage and send her.

Now we both are so worried about our future life. I am not financially stable so we hadn’t any choice to running. I supposed that once I financially settled then we talked to our parents but her father want to fixed her marriage so we haven’t any choice and we told our parents about us. But now it’s so complicated we cannot live without each other. We had seen so much dreams all are broked up. But we don’t want this.

Now please help me to figure out all this, and suggest us what can we do now, to live with each other.

Aryan

Is there anything worst more than my situation?

My boyfriend is muslim. We were together for more than 4 years.

From the beginning we knew we will not end up together because in their culture the mother will choose a girl for his son to marry. His family was away before 2 years, they are in their country so even we knew the fact that her mother is like that since we have the same work and same environment, we developed more our feelings. We really loved each other so much, it’s proven because we are not a perfect couple but we always run to each other’s arm and make up.

Everyday her mother is sending her pictures of different Arabic girls to choose, he ignored. After few years they had resident visa here (country were we work) I’m also not from this country. After his parents stayed with him here his mother get more aggressive in finding wife for him, She visits family here with single daughters to ask permission if she and his son can visit and maybe suitable for marriage. In their culture once the girl’s family say yes to meet their daughter its automatic engagement. By the way I’m Christian.

Our relationship gets harder specially no one knows we have relationship coz our boss is his relatives and it’s not allowed here to make relationship at work. (They said). What more add to our problem is that his brother also our workmate became friend with my bestfriend and now they are married. Yes secret only because we know their parents will not agree. Now their parents knew about their marriage and they feel embarrassed and think of what other people can say. So he is in secret marriage now and even my friend is good to them baking cookies and cakes for them. They only accept and eat but they never invited her and meet her. So my boyfriend is their favorite son all the pressures is with him.

They always say don’t copy your brother and marry not muslim or else we will die. They once visited our office and even said be careful to that girl maybe she will flirt you and make you inlove. So even they saw me as workmate only I already know they don’t like me too. ( different nationality, different religion).

There are some instances that they will call a family and pushed him to talk to them. He visited numerous family and ended engage with 3 girls. I did everything to stop and I won. First girl, she is too bossy and they cannot agree in one opinion so they separate. Second girl, I think he is liking her, I sent message to the girl in an anonymous fb account like do you know him?do you know something about us? The girl had idea but he is the one who left her and make excuse. Its big deal for him coz no one knows he has a secret relationship. Third girl, young but mal educated , dry and empty. She is greedy and asking for luxuries only and told him I love you in just 5 days. He told me wait he will find way how she can get rid of this girl but its almost 1 month so I decided to threaten him I will send her message also if you cant leave her finally he quit the engagement.

Can you imagine how many liters of tears I had for all of the girl’s? I have a countless sleepless nights.

I begged, I cried,  I go everywhere he is. I loved him so much.  But if begging is not working I admit that im evil with my words to him and insult all these girls. Then after we will be okay again and be together till.

Last week he needs to go back to his country for a 1 week vacation, but he did is visiting different families which her mother arranged. Till there are 3 girls, 2 he reject but other one he said yes, the girl didn’t say yes after the 1 visit he needs to return to her house 1 more time till she say yes. He got engagement yesterday and today he is travelling back here. We fought and blocked  me in all accounts, everyday I cried while he was there begging and told him im waiting but useless. He end up engage. I threaten him I will find the girl and hurt her he answered me I wont allow you and you wont hurt her. Before everything I warned her don’t do it because when you come back I will act the same don’t add this girl to our lives coz I wont give you up. We will just hurt her. But her mother rule is he cannot come back unless engage. I don’t know if I still need to fight for him. But I loved him so much and its just 1 week. How can I accept that?

I really don’t know what to do, my only request to him is that stay with me till this year end and maybe separate next year when im  free also to marry because my sister will marry this year its bad luck in our belief to marry same year. So I asked him stay with me and wait. But he chose to break my heart. What is more painful now is knowing he is chatting and calling another girl now.

Hi

I have been going through a same situation now.

Just want to what happened with you guys. Are you still together or what happened next??

I feel I need to write down for every heartbroken girl in this situation. Even I respect his culture and his religion, we are never going to be on the same page. No matter how hard we love each other the muslim culture, background, including the polygamy is against our culture in Europe. How many arranged marriage we have amongst us in Europe? Not many. For them is still happens everyday and it’s normal. If they go against it they could be disowned. Would you wish the person you love to be disowned by his family? I wouldn’t. My love is so deep and unconditional, I cannot be selfish. I want him to be happy even if I am not part of his life anymore. I learned from my heartbreak I will never be with a Muslim again because I cannot win. Not because I discriminate, I respect all religions and colours in this world. It’s because their and our culture water and fire. Never goes well together. You can waste years of your life loving that person but at the end of the day you will lose the fight. He still goes home to his wife and children and you only a mistress of him nothing else. Unless you can accept the polygamy….the choice is yours.