September 19, 2014 at 12:05 am #65199JoyParticipant
I am sorry to annoy you with yet another breakup story, but I am having a hard time with it. So hard in fact I find that I can’t sleep at nights. I cry myself to sleep some nights listening to the CD of last our Valentine’s Day together. If I broke up with him then why is it still so hard? And why do I still love him and care about him in a profound way that reaches deeper than any mere connection between two individuals.
I loved him dearly and sincerely.
I exposed every part of myself to him:
I exposed every part of myself to him…and I felt like he still didn’t know me.
He didn’t understand me, what made me tick, what made me happy, what pissed me off, what I loved or hated…He didn’t understand why I would withdraw from his touch or reaffirm his words when I was angry. He never got it. It was always about him. After almost 3 years of knowing someone I shouldn’t have to explain to him why I’m mad. It was like every time there was something that bothered me he felt the need to stop everything that we were doing and have a confrontation or something so I would tell him word-for-word why I was mad, what triggered it, what he did, what he said. That’s all great at first when you’re starting to get to know someone…but this happened EVERY SINGLE TIME I WOULD GET IRRITATED.
“Oh what’s wrong with you?”
“Are you kidding? How long have you known me?”
“Did I say something wrong? I don’t get it.”
“I think we should stop everything and have a talk.”
“No you’re just making me more mad.”
“I don’t get it.”
“Well sometimes it makes me mad when you …..”
“Wow. I was joking, you know I always joke.”
“How was I supposed to know that was a joke? You weren’t joking.”
“You’re too sensitive. Learn how to take a joke.”
REPEAT OVER 20 TIMES
Tell me you wouldn’t start getting pissed.
I felt like he just didn’t care or was playing stupid. He was too immature. It wasn’t just one big thing, it was a million little things. Obviously there’s so much more to the story, but I’m pretty tired. I’ve stopped crying now and am going to try to head to sleep.
We can’t stay friends. We’ve tried. He didn’t want to break up and he is consistently trying to tell me we can fix things, but he hasn’t changed in the month since we’ve broken up. He’s still the same and he’ll never understand. Every time we talk he wants to talk about us and then he gets upset and tells me I make him feel that way. Then I feel crappy for making him feel like shit. I just want space. He wanted me to come up to his college the other weekend ago and I told him I didn’t think it was a good idea, and then he said everyone wanted to see me and that they missed me. He said there was nothing worse than not seeing me, but I feel like every time we see each other it just makes it that much harder to move on.
After we broke up, we got into a huge fight and he took out his anger on me and emotionally abused me and threatened to embarrass me and tried to control me. Then my best guy friend and sister stepped in and put him in his place real quick. I think it’s a Sicilian thing lol. I know it was just the built up emotion causing him to lash out, but then again he would always lash out emotionally on me whenever he got mad. I feel bad.
Some days are harder than others. I don’t feel ready to connect with someone on that level again…not for a long time. I still love him, but I couldn’t be with him. I felt trapped and was crying every weekend about things he would never understand. It’s funny how people will say they love you, but never really show it.September 19, 2014 at 7:02 am #65221luciaParticipant
Not sure if you were expecting a reply, but I really do hope you find some peace during this turbulent time. It’s hard to let go of someone that you’ve shared practically every aspect of your being with. Especially since you’ve invested a lot of time with that someone. But sounds like you made a self-loving choice for yourself, if your relationship “expectations/needs” are met with that someone, then it’s definitely time to move on. chances are this someone is not meant to be in your life at this time or may be not ever.
Give yourself time to grieve, since this is a loss. Time will heal almost all things.
LuciaSeptember 19, 2014 at 2:47 pm #65243Monica DubayParticipant
Please consider that being emotionally abused by someone is not a healthy choice for you. You deserve better. Honestly, find your friends again and spend some time with them. Start to love yourself more now. Take a look at yourself and write down all the characteristics of a partner that you want to have. You have to take an active role in deciding what you want and then the universe will give it to you. Until then, you will accept anything that comes your way and that isn’t pretty. You have more power than you realize. Try watching abraham-hicks on you tube. That’s a good place to start.
Hope this helps. I really do.