My ex-fiance and I were together 4.5 years, she moved into my house after about a year. we have a 3 year old daughter together and i have 2 other children to a previous marriage (shared custody-week on week off)… I am 30 and ex is 35.
…. I was the only one working so she could be a stay at home mom, and she doesnt drive. trying to support a family on one income is rough,(doesnt make alot of date nights for sure) my brother did get her a job a restaurant a few blocks from home… there was an argument and she went to her sisters and just didnt go to work, didnt try to explain herself to employer to keep job or anything.. that was a bummer… however we kept chugging along, things seemed to be ok, we were still making ends meet, and the kids never had to go without.
KIDS… for sure we were a kick **** family and parents. We both agree on that. however communicating with her was rough for the last 6 months or so… she was a screamer and pusher… i was not a fan at all of that, the kids would be there crying covering their ears, i would point at them and say ” stop cant you see them crying!” so i would walk away or even sometimes leave the house (she claimed that was my MO and i would run away when things got hard). i was merely walking away because that is counter productive. now i am also guilty of yelling before.. as soon as she would start yelling and pointing fingers i would fall into it too.. thats why i just started walking away… sometimes when we cooled down we could talk about things. But the last 6 months were kind of bad… Work was very stressful and the company was looking like it was going to get bought out any my job was not as “safe”, i can honestly say i wasnt the most sensitive during this period, and my head was in the clouds some ( she had me get on meds, and then i decided to not take them anymore…Not a good idea) then the last 3 months she wasnt intimate anymore, just kind of stayed up all night online, friended a guy on facebook and started talking about him quite a bit (I wasnt super happy about that, we were having problems) I confronted her, she said nothing to be concerned about…. ok fine.

The breakup! So it feels like eggshells at home. It wasnt awful, she would still make sure dinner was done, and even make me a drink after work. However there wasnt alot of affection, and we were both stressed, i can only imagine not being a driver and being at home with kids all winter, and not alot of money for things, but the arguing continued, alot of pointing fingers, and screaming… she was yelling at me and pushed me down, right infront of and toward our daughter (other 2 were not there)… my daughter screamed and cried… i said thats enough, you need to go stay at your sisters until we can figure this out… ( she agreed the kids were being affected by the fights)She asked her sister and her sister said she couldnt(thats a differetn story…she had kicked her out of her house in the past). So she looked into housing in town… She was able to get in to an apartment fairly quick… about a month or so… meanwhile we are still doing the normal routine at home, sleeping in different rooms ofcourse. So after she moves out..

After… So about 1 week later i went to her apartment and apologized for having her move away from our home. and i asked her to go to counseling to maybe mend things…. She was slightly resistant at first, and then would text and email me… “good morning love, i miss you guys” and i would stop by here and there to drop things off for our daughter or her, since she couldnt drive and didnt have alot of money.. and one day things seemed to be ok, and i was to stop by there and drop some things off… i said ok… maybe i will grab a kiss today… reply “lets not complicate things” huh? Turned out the ” you have nothing to be concerned” guy had asked her out… this was with in 2 weeks… i was pretty hurt and confused… about a week or 2 later I talked to her a little bit about it… she pointed alot of fingers and said we have no chemistry… she isnt in love with me…. and she doesnt think a counselor would help. Well i am not one to give up on family so easy, so i continued to try and talk to her about things… she said this guy was a mere friendship and she is gonna think about trying to work things out, and still has a strong love for me..she was still angry about the moving out and that was my fault( i do know that, and i apologized from the bottom of my heart) so i waited some time and talked again, just about the same results.. she was still hanging out with this guy and they talk on a regular basis and and she doesnt know how she feels about him, she thinks she just likes all the attention he gives her. well i did not deal with that well… so i tried not to talk to her and she would send me messages…. ” i dont like the feeling of you hating me”… “things seem to be going much better there now that im not there”… yet she still isnt interested in yet fixing things, and doesnt want to confuse anyone by going to counseling with me.

its been 3 months now and She says she has fears. and couldnt go to a counselor with me because she would be too cynical and those text book Fing idiots dont know anything about her life.
I recently went to get some custody papers written up, because of an incident at her apartment one day…. I was trying to talk to her a few weeks back and she was very upset that my family was coming over more often and friends had been stopping by, she says i am playing a victim… i told her that these people have been coming over because I am going through some painful stuff…. well she tried to pull our daughter out of my arms yelling that i cant take her without papers and she was going to call the cops.. i told her to go ahead, what are you going to say… my kids father is picking up his daughter come arrest him?? so she put her phone away and i left with my daughter..

anyhow i sent her a draft of the custody complaint, she freaked out and looked to me to make her feel better… the only thig i could say was, where you have fears.. so do I. the next day we hadnt spoken the following day she just emailed a sad face to me… i should not have replied but i did. I told her to please stop that, that I had tried all summer to get her to go to counseling and was tired of the stringing along and mind games. I believe Family is a priority and her “thinking” about things was plenty long enough.
I am so hurt and confused.. i have not talk to her for 5 days now, other than child exchange, solely about child.
I keep pondering whether i made a huge mistake or was too pushy. Feeling very depressed.
Any thoughts or comments would be appreciated. Thank you