Dear delicatedaydream:

Please let me know if I understand your situation correctly and correct me where needed: You have been anxious and depressed for some time, way before you met your boyfriend. For over a year the relationship was mostly fine but in the last few months it became overwhelming for you. Your anxiety increased, your distress increased until., in effort to relieve your distress, you ended the relationship. There was nothing distressing about his behavior during the last few months, or before, nothing significant.

He wants to get back with you and so do you, except you are afraid to feel trapped again. You don’t want to hurt him again.

My questions:
1) What happened in the last few months of the relationship that was different than the beginning year of it?
2) When did your anxiety/ depression start and what do you think was and is the cause of it?

anita

I am not sure what happened to make you feel disconnected to him and yourself depression is pretty tough though. But if you need time to be on your own don’t feel like you made the wrong move to break up with him. But on the other hand, if you still love him and think you may want him back, then that’s complicated. I would never break up with someone that I still loved and may want in the future because it is confusing for the person on the other end. It is also kind of misleading and you may be causing him to carry a torch for you. Or even worse is if he eventually finds someone else and you still want him. It is not uncommon for people when they are heartbroken, to quickly fall in love with someone else as a remedy.

Maybe you can work out whatever personal problems you have independently of him. You can do that even if you are still in a couple with him. Maybe instead of seeing him everyday, decide to see eachother every other day. You are in a really fortunate position where he says he loves you, and now you will be able to converse with him about how to make it work with you, and he’d do it most likely. You are more lucky than most people in break-up situations. hope this helps.

Dear Romanticdaydream

Unfortunately life is not a Hollywood
romcom where all of the heroine’s
obstacles are
resolved in 1:30h and she ends up with
her Prince Charming for a happy ever after.

Life and people are full of
contradictions and ambiguity.
That is what make our struggles so hard
but the outcome is so worthwhile..

I interpret your situation thus:

From your mentioning “First love” I guess
that you are still a young woman.

You want to go out with your
girlfriends, travel, flirt a bit, meet interesting
people, find out who you are and what
you want to do with your life..

AT the same time you find yourself with
this amazing guy. But what once felt
wonderful suddenly feels like too much of a burden..

You feel responsible for him being happy,
for the relationship and it’s all just
too much..

It doesn’t make you a bad person..

Maybe you were too harsh on yourself,
put too much pressure on yourself to make him him happy..

Just let go.

You can make all the plans in the
world, life will turn out the way
it will turn out.

You may be happily married for the rest
of your lives or he may get cold feet
before the weddding and leave you for
the sexy cheerleader
he met at his sister’s prom..

You can not plan everything, you can not control everything and you can not make
him happy because that is an inside job.

A relationship is about growing together.
You can certainly explore life and who
you are
with him by your side.
You don’t have to be single to enjoy your
youth.

Take things slowly and if you decide to
get
back together with him don’t forget who
you are outside of the relationship.
Make time for friends and hobbys!

Hope this helped a bit .

Take care!

xxx

Magalie