Broken up for a year, feelings resurfacing

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This topic has 6 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 4 months ago by Eliana.

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July 25, 2017 at 8:10 am #160062

Britt
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I was in a 5 year relationship with my high school sweetheart. He was the only real relationship I had ever had. I loved him and I he loved me but I felt as though we just had so many issues – mostly trust issues. For me it got to the point where I couldn’t do it anymore because I wasn’t truly happy. I still loved him but I felt like I wasn’t in love anymore.

I broke up with him out of no where (now regretting how I went about it). I jumped right into another relationship (also regretting) and I feel like I never gave myself time to mourn over the relationship ending. It’s been a little over a year now and I’m really regretting everything. I still love him and I feel like he’s the one I’m meant to be with. I took a risk to find that out but now I feel like I made the wrong choice in doing that.

I have talked to him about it and he feels like I need to figure out some things on my own because I hurt him in a lot of ways and he’s finally becoming better and happy and doesn’t want to be hurt again.

Ive been feeling soooo heartbroken lately I just don’t know what to do. Any advice at all would be helpful just to have someone to talk to.

Thanks in advance

July 25, 2017 at 9:10 am #160090

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Britt:

Can you elaborate on the “so many issues” you had with your ex boyfriend: were those trust issues you mentioned on your part or his as well? And, I wonder, did he tell you how you hurt him (“I hurt him in a lot of ways”)?

anita

July 25, 2017 at 9:21 am #160094
Britt
Participant
Anita –

He was very controlling. He wanted to know my every move when we weren’t together. He would get mad and accuse me of the littlest things that I found myself lying about stuff just to avoid the arguement that I knew it would lead to. I feel like I ended up lying so much that I didn’t even know how to stop or how to fix it.

I hurt him by just up and ending things and jumping into another relationship so quickly. I don’t know if he will ever forgive me for that.
- This reply was modified 7 years, 4 months ago by Britt.
July 25, 2017 at 10:57 am #160114

sage
Participant

Hi Britt!

I think an important thing here is not to blame yourself or feel too bad for hurting him. It happened, you escaped a relationship with a lot of trust issues, and he was pretty controlling. One question you might need to ask yourself is “will being with him again make me truly happy? Will he bring me happiness?”

One thing I tried in a relationship a while ago after a long break was a test run. We both decided to try having a relationship again for a few days and if we felt good about it and made each other happy, we would get back together if not or we felt like we needed more time we went our separate ways. I would highly recommend it, as a way for you to both to figure it out without completely committing.

Regrets are one of the most painful things to deal with in life, so I know how heartbreaking this must be for you. Try to focus on your happiness and finding peace within yourself and accept the fact that if he is meant to be in your life again he will be.

I hope this helped at least a little! Much love, Sage

July 25, 2017 at 11:15 am #160120

Britt
Participant

Sage-

Thanks for sharing and for the advice. I agree that I need to not be so hard on myself. As much as I want to I can’t change the past. I do need to work on myself and my own happiness and finding peace during this difficult time. I hope we find our way back together…

Thanks again!

July 25, 2017 at 11:38 am #160132

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Britt:

You wrote: “I broke up with him out of no where (now regretting how I went about it). I jumped right into another relationship (also regretting”-

Then you wrote: “He was very controlling. He wanted to know my every move when we weren’t together. He would get mad and accuse me of the littlest things…”- breaking up with him was not “out of nowhere”, reads to me. It is difficult to live under such scrutiny and accusations.

And you wrote: “I hurt him by just up and ending things and jumping into another relationship so quickly”- it is your right, legal and moral, to end a relationship anytime and to enter another relationship when you choose.

If you were abusive to him and he felt hurt, this is one thing. But automatically reacting to his ongoing accusations by falling out of love with him is not abusing him. And getting into a new relationship as soon as you have, that was not abusive-to-him either. People feel hurt for all kinds of reasons and we are not responsible for all those reasons.

anita

July 25, 2017 at 4:34 pm #160184

Eliana
Participant

Hi Britt,

Even if you did get back with him, it’s very hard to rekindle the “spark” and “chemistry” that you once have. I have tried this, and it ended up being a disaster. In a year, you have changed and so has he, so It won’t be like it was before, no matter how much you miss him.

Do you think it may be guilt that is making you feel this way? There is a reason you broke up. You said you were no longer in love with him. If you were to get back with him, I don’t think you will “fall back on love with him” also like he said there is too much hurt feelings on his part. Even if you did get back together, he would always be a little unhappy wondering if and when you will up and leave him again. I think love is out there for you, but not in the past. Keep us posted.
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