Aaron,

I can understand why it could be confusing to experience your brother like that, and I applaud your desire to help him grow. Consider separating your desires from his, because from there you can get a better idea of what he needs. Said differently, you want him to go to school, you want him to grow, you want him to be a success and get out on his own. A few things came to heart as i read your words.

What does he want? You describe his internet gaming as a confusing addiction. I disagree. What he’s doing is giving him some kind of nourishment… a few moments of happiness or esteem for example. You’re right in noticing it has a cost, such as the bullies and aimlessness. However, if he’s lying to you that probably means you’re leaning on him in a way that is not compassionate, and perhaps judging him. Consider, are you addicted to air? Just because you breathe all the time does not mean its a habit to kick. In the same way, your brother’s seeking happiness is not an addiction, its just he’s looking in a spot that is perhaps not as healthy as others. The goal is not to get him to do what you want, but to help him find a path that brings him happiness in a healthier way. Does that make sense?

Its difficult to nudge our stuck brothers and sisters, because it has to be about them and their desire, rather than our own. If we are cheerleaders, we can help them stay motivated in a good direction. If we try to conduct their growth, they will often rightfully resist our desires through lying and ignoring the pressure… or more directly by telling us to bugger off.

Namaste, friend, I hope you find what you’re looking for… helping our siblings grow is a noble effort indeed!

With warmth,
Matt