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Brother Needs Help

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  • #44736
    Aaron
    Participant

    Hi everyone, I have actually come to this forum to discuss what I can do about my younger brother, who is addicted to the internet and gaming. My parents have tried all the treatments available, however, he does not want to change. Sometimes he says he wants to change but he doesn’t at all. In addition, he connects with a group of individuals from high school that abuse him online. My parents and I are not sure why he connects with them, as they have bullied him and calling him loser for going to college and studying. He was not able to complete college until he came home and now he is 23 and he still talks to these individuals from the internet. These individuals are involved in criminal acts and I don’t want my brother doing that in my house. He is going to move in with me in a few months, because of his health condition, he is unable to be independent. He has an associates degree but still needs to get into college. He doesn’t have any friends except for those individuals and those he connects with on his games. Every time I ask him to see if he is working on his schoolwork, he is on youtube watching odd things. He does lie a lot. I don’t know what to do since he will not get help. I don’t want him to be a burden on my family the rest of my life.

    #44737
    Matt
    Participant

    Aaron,

    I can understand why it could be confusing to experience your brother like that, and I applaud your desire to help him grow. Consider separating your desires from his, because from there you can get a better idea of what he needs. Said differently, you want him to go to school, you want him to grow, you want him to be a success and get out on his own. A few things came to heart as i read your words.

    What does he want? You describe his internet gaming as a confusing addiction. I disagree. What he’s doing is giving him some kind of nourishment… a few moments of happiness or esteem for example. You’re right in noticing it has a cost, such as the bullies and aimlessness. However, if he’s lying to you that probably means you’re leaning on him in a way that is not compassionate, and perhaps judging him. Consider, are you addicted to air? Just because you breathe all the time does not mean its a habit to kick. In the same way, your brother’s seeking happiness is not an addiction, its just he’s looking in a spot that is perhaps not as healthy as others. The goal is not to get him to do what you want, but to help him find a path that brings him happiness in a healthier way. Does that make sense?

    Its difficult to nudge our stuck brothers and sisters, because it has to be about them and their desire, rather than our own. If we are cheerleaders, we can help them stay motivated in a good direction. If we try to conduct their growth, they will often rightfully resist our desires through lying and ignoring the pressure… or more directly by telling us to bugger off.

    Namaste, friend, I hope you find what you’re looking for… helping our siblings grow is a noble effort indeed!

    With warmth,
    Matt

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