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Brother's addiction.

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  • October 18, 2017 at 5:31 pm #173805
    NightFlower
    Participant

    My 19 year old brother has recently admitted to me about his opioid addiction (mainly xanax and percocet). He blames it on his depression and anxiety. Over the past two years his high school girlfriend broke up with him after moving away for school, he’s crashed my car (with no license), dropped out of school and has been completely lost. Everything my family had forgiven and pretty much tip-toed around him in fear of hurting his feelings or pushing him to the edge. Our mother left us when he was 8 years old so I understand his deeper trust and reliance on women/his girlfriend. I try my best to be there for him always without judgement because I too have been through the same thing at his age. I caught him once ordering xanax online and using which he cried out sorry and he’ll stop. Shortly a month later he fainted, hurt his head badly and suffered three seizures. He says it’s due to his with drawls from not using. The three months later he seemed to be happier, clearer mind and present. Recently he’s back to using and it’s very obvious. I talked to him and he says he’s been having vivid dreams of being happy with his girlfriend and he wakes up heartbroken with anxiety attacks. This time he told me he’s addicted and it’s hard to quit. I tell him I’m always here for him and the family loves and cares for him deeply. I told him he needs to make a plan on how to change his outlook and life rather than just saying “i’m focusing on me”. Actions speak louder than words. My father does not know about this because he will not understand and I fear push my brother off the edge. I am torn on what to do. He’s a zombie. He wants help he says but doesn’t do anything. I’m scared for him, doesn’t seem to be learning, nor listening and the drugs don’t help him think straight. What do you suggest I do? I am fearful if put in rehab he will turn to worse drugs, I’ve heard some terrible things. Please, how do i get to him.

    October 19, 2017 at 11:14 am #173891
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear NightFlower:

    You wrote that your brother blames his addiction “on his depression and anxiety’-

    Do you believe that he did get into opioids for the purpose of relieving his depression and anxiety, that his depression and anxiety were so severe that he needed relief?

    anita

    October 19, 2017 at 1:59 pm #173911
    NightFlower
    Participant

    He has a victim mentality. He thinks every wrong he has done (crashing the car, drugs, failing grades) are due to his “bad luck” and poor self-esteem. At first he did it recreationally, but now he uses it as a form of escape and “numbing” everything (his words). He was depressed but the drugs have made it worse, I wish he could see that. He’s always been babied his whole life and now faced with adult issues he can’t handle it, thus the drug use hoping everything will fade away or solve itself.

    October 20, 2017 at 6:23 am #173983
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear  NightFlower:

    First thing to do is to make sure he has no access to your car or to any family car so that he doesn’t endanger lives driving under the influence or under great anxiety/ panic while withdrawing (in between using or attempting to withdraw altogether).

    Second, do all you can do to protect yourself and other people best you can from any other damaging  results of his using drugs.

    Otherwise, notice that you wrote in your original post that you “try my best to be there for him always without judgement …. I tell him I’m always here for him and the family loves and cares for him deeply”-

    But you are with judgement. You believe he has a victim mentality, that is, that he is not a real  victim and that he was “babied his whole life”. My comment is that he must have been babied in abusive ways. And he was a victim. Children are not born with a victim mentality, they are truly victimized, in many, many households.

    Better you express to him your true feelings, including the anger you have, understandably, toward him. If you tell him that you have no judgment toward him, that is not true. He needs the truth.

    He is in big trouble. Opioid addiction is very difficult to undo. The anxiety and panic that results from withdrawing is more intense than the anxiety leading to using the drugs. Withdrawal starts happening anytime he has gone too long between the last use and the next.

    Withdrawal has to be supervised by a responsible medical doctor, to be done gradually, very gradually while incorporating calming practices to help endure the unavoidable withdrawal symptoms, the anxiety involved in withdrawing. That takes a strong motivation, on the part of the person doing the long term withdrawing.

    It will help him to have people in his life who truly understand the difficulties in withdrawing and who truly do not judge him. Perhaps a 12 step program like Narcotics Anonymous (U.S)?

    anita

     

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