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Can anyone be friend with Ex?

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Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
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  • March 29, 2018 at 6:17 am #199921
    Amanda
    Participant

    Hi,

    I feel bad that I cannot be friend with my ex. My ex told me i will be still dear to him but he never really show his care as a friend. I was the only person to play my role as a friend. I have deleted his address and phone number and still I feel bad o do so althogh I know it’s the right thing to do.

    March 29, 2018 at 7:13 am #199931
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Amanda:

    Is this man the same man you shared about in your September thread? If so, how is his cancer and treatment?

    If it is the same man, reads to me that he didn’t need the pressure of having to return your care for him, the pressure he felt and didn’t want to feel, to reciprocate your investment in him.

    You wrote here that you feel bad. Will you elaborate on it, on what you feel badly about?

    anita

    March 30, 2018 at 5:05 am #200057
    Amanda
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Yes, he was the same man in my previous post. He had gone through his treatment and free of cancer at the moment. He has energy and time to do gardening, decorating his home and hang out with friends. But he told me he wanted to text but don’t know what to say. He told me I am still very very special to him and has a lot of love for me. My gut didn’t feel right, I feel very conflicted that his action didn’t reflect what he said. I thought I was asking for too much. But he clearly didn’t care to be friends with me.

    I know I have to accept that we can’t be friends. I feel bad because I was being told since young I have to be nice to everyone. I feel bad because I can’t be friends with the person I once loved. But I also start to feel the freedom being able to let go of him. Just that the bad feeling still kick in sometime.

    Amanda

     

    March 30, 2018 at 5:19 am #200059
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Amanda:

    If people said what they mean and mean what they say, that would make life much easier to figure out. Unfortunately, it is not uncommon that people say what is not true to them, but say it anyway because they believe it serves some purpose.

    When what a person says and does do not go together, then we have to consider that the person is lying. For whatever reasons (one possible reason, to not offend another with the truth…) And then go with what a person does- or does not do- and believe his actions, not his words.

    I hope you continue to feel the freedom you mentioned and that the bad feeling will kick in less and less often, hardly at all… and then, not at all.

    anita

    March 30, 2018 at 5:37 am #200067
    Amanda
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Thanks for your reply. I would rather to know the truth than feeling conflicted with the lie. Actions speak louder than words! Anyway, I have learnt a lot. And I believe I deserve someone better. 🙂 I should focus on my self improvement!

    Amanda

    March 30, 2018 at 6:58 am #200077
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Amanda:

    You are welcome. You articulated it very well: “I would rather to know the truth than feeling conflicted with the lie”- I agree. Reality doesn’t accommodate lies, denials, convenient thinking.. reality is busy being real, and so, better deal with it as it is.

    anita

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