18 years ago, after being divorced for 3 years, I met a man.  He grew up in the same town where I grew up and where I still live.  He moved away 30 years ago but still owns a home here, in our town.  I was broken after a very bad marriage and divorce and my focus was my children.  In the beginning this man was basically a voice on the phone for me.  We bonded over a shared hometown and similar childhoods and families.  We would see each other when he came here for visits.  We became friends and eventually lovers.  He was the great love of my life.  He, however, is in many ways, an emotionally crippled man.  He’s never been married,  and really only ever had one long term relationship with a woman who died.  I have always known he was afraid of commitment and in the first years that was fine with me because again, my children were my priority.  But once my children were grown and gone, I knew I wanted more.    Finally about 5 years ago, I decided I needed to let this thing go.  I knew I didn’t want to grow old waiting for him to “stop by” and wondering where I actually fit into his life and even how he really felt about me.  So, I ended it.  Or so I thought.  He never really went away.  We went for a few months with no communication but then I started to get emails from him and then the occasional phone call.  Now 5 years later we still talk, and occasionally see each other.  I tell myself that now we’re just friends.  But can old lovers really be friends?  There are times when I think I have to let this go in order to move on with my life, but then the thought of cutting him completely out of my life feels like losing an arm or leg.