Can someone be too mature?

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This topic contains 1 reply, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Henry Alec McLeod 2 months ago.

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    Henry Alec McLeod

    If you gave me a choice between putting myself first or putting other people first; I would immediately choose putting others first.

    If you gave me a choice between doing too much pleasure or too much work, I would immediately choose too much work.

    If you gave me a choice between obsessing over a clean of a house or having too dirty of a house, I would immediately choose being too worried about it being clean.

    If you gave me a choice between only eating healthy food or  only eating junk food, then I would immediately choose only eating healthy food.

    If you gave me a choice between overthinking or not thinking enough, I would immediately choose overthinking.

    If you gave me a choice between either relaxing during my free time or watching nonstop education videos, I would immediately choose watching nonstop education videos.

    People often ask me why I am this way. They say that I create my own suffering. I do this because I view one as the more mature and grown up like attitude and the other like the child who is rebellious and reckless.

    I have been this way ever since my 18th birthday. When I was a child I wasn’t taught to think. I was basing my answers only on intuition. Or if I did think, it definitely wasn’t as often or even what I think today. That all changed when I listened to the dhammapada for the first time on YouTube the night of my birthday. I was still a Christian at the time but I wondered, why not. I didn’t actually read the Bible that much at the time, or even what most of it said at all. I was so busy with school.

    But those first few sentences of the dhammapada changed me. The voice sounded so serious which almost sounded like my father. I listened and by the time I was done I had decided to devote my life towards maturity. I came up with my own personal list of how to do it, because I felt like maturity was more than just one thing. Most, but not all of my thoughts are that list.

    When day arose after school my parents through a big party for me. They gave me all kinds of video games, desserts, money, and even get this, a trip to a theme park. They spent months saving the money for it and could only get two tickets one for me and one for someone I choose.  I told them I didn’t want it and could use the tickets for themselves. They were completely shocked. My future birthdays have been like this. In fact the only reason I mentioned this is because my birthday is in a few days.

    But birthdays are not the issue of the the problem, it’s self sacrifice. I was was listening to my parents behind their back and they were crying looking at my childhood photos. They often wonder if I will ever be that happy again, which I can’t. I hate making them feel that way, but I have obligations.

    Another thing people say is that I’m thinking of parenthood at too young of an age. I almost NEVER think of sex, but I would adopt. I am only twenty one and would be even more willing to sacrifice even more of my happiness for a child. I cannot think of a child suffering in a orphanage. I feel like it’s my responsibility to do this.

    I have had the same thoughts or similar thoughts over and over again since I’ve become an adult, I don’t even question it anymore. When the words “other people” pop in my mind, I don’t question it. When the words “clean house” pop in my mind, I don’t question it. When the words “pay taxes” pop in my mind, I don’t question it. I feel no resentment. But then again, I feel no emotion either. My body is almost wanting to give up on me. I feel in pain and my heart is almost physically ready to give up. Mentally, I try to ignore it, but physically my entire body is tightening up and I’m not purposely doing it. What’s going on?


    Henry Alec McLeod

    I’m not trying to lie or anything. Someone might wonder about me coming out as a Buddhist many times as a kid when I was posting on my other post. They might think, I’m lying. I was only a Christian out of fear. I only knew a few evil Bible verses but felt like I had to. I know much more now, whether it be on Christianity or keeping my mouth shut.

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