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Cannot figure out how to communicate

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  • April 22, 2018 at 8:16 am #203523
    Lizzy
    Participant

    Hi any suggestions would be helpful.

    I recently quit smoking and drinking since they go hand in hand. I live with my bf for 3 years and all of a sudden in the past few months I am so unhappy. His problems are starting to be so overwhelming. The topper was I quit smoking and he thinks he can some in my basement although I’m quitting.

    I have serious issues and I want to address them but when I have before it’s a huge fight he’s on defense n we get no where. When I’m mad at him he is nice until it blows over. But now I can’t sleep. I’m so upset with everything. But I’m so exhausted I don’t know how to bring it up. I’m also off work with an injury and currently sort of stuck living here until I can make a plan.

    I don’t know what to do anymore.  Plz any suggestions

    April 22, 2018 at 10:16 am #203583
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lizzy:

    My first suggestion is to no longer have fights with him, not small fights and not huge fights. None. It is possible for you to be assertive and not aggressive. Notice you wrote: “When I’m mad at him he is nice”- not a good thing, scaring someone into being nice. It works short term, for you, but harms long term (just like the drinking and smoking that you quit… congratulations by the way!)

    You may figure that living with him is not working for you, but first, no fighting. Then figure it out.

    I assume without smoking and drinking, without that thing-to-do when particularly anxious, you are left with the anxious and nothing-to-do.

    Except that there is something to do, something new to replace the old. A new habit to form. What will that new habit be? That will be up to you to choose.

    anita

    April 22, 2018 at 11:04 am #203589
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Lizzy,

    Can you share a little bit about what happened to make you suddenly become unhappy with your boyfriend right after quitting smoking and drinking? Do you think that the drinking sort of made you feel “good” in the relationship? And quitting both suddenly at the same time, you may be going through withdrawal..perhaps feeling anxious, agitated, etc? Have you tried anything to get you through the quitting process? How long were you smoking? Drinking? Were you having any conflicts with your boyfriend when you were drinking and smoking?

    You mentioned something about him starting something. Do you mean he is drinking and smoking you are unhappy with? Please post with any thoughts or comments..x

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